Dear Leah,

All of my friends are having children, but I don’t have any interest in starting a family. Is there something wrong with me?

Sincerely,

Questioning

 

Dear Questioning,

Oh, my goodness, of course not! Don’t you dare even think such a thing!

Parenthood is not for everyone and not something one should enter lightly. I don’t care if your friends are doing it, if you are of “child-bearing age” or you are getting pressure from your mother or mother-in-law. If you are uncertain if you want to have children, don’t rush into any decisions about having them.

Children are wonderful, little, life-changing gifts from God. But they are exactly that — life-changing. The life you have now won’t be the life you have while pregnant. It won’t be the life you have after the baby is born, and it won’t be the life you have for the next 20-plus years …

Whether to have children is not something to be decided upon on a whim. There are so many factors to consider, so if do find yourself wondering if you’d like to have children, here are some things to consider:

• What type of relationship are you in? Are you single, in a committed long-term relationship, engaged or married? Think about the type of family you’d like to raise your children in and the kind of relationship you and the father want to have with your children.

• Where are you career-wise? I’m a firm believer that you can have a career and family too, but being successful and fulfilled with both can be a difficult balance to strike. What are your and your spouse’s career goals? Are either of you thinking of going back to school to further your education? What impact will that have?

• Would you be OK with getting pregnant right away? Conception can be a tricky thing. While reality TV may make us think getting pregnant is as easy as drinking water, that’s not always the case. Unfortunately you won’t know about your ability to get pregnant until you start trying, so don’t start trying until you are certain you want to start a family. The stork might pay a visit sooner than you think!

• What kind of space do you live in? Think about where you’re living and whether it’s adaptable for an infant, toddler, etc. The apartment or townhouse with limited closet space and no yard might be great now, but not so much when you have a toddler running around and their toys and necessities start to accumulate.

I hope some of this provides you with some comfort and a little food for thought. I’ve found peer pressure, or societal pressure, comes in different forms as I’ve gotten older and can still be a bear to overcome. Just please, please, please don’t think there is anything wrong with you for not wanting to have children. It is a decision only you can make.

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.