Some people abuse their children out of frustration, others because they don’t know better.

Tuesday, May 01, 2001

Some people abuse their children out of frustration, others because they don’t know better. But physically abusing children doesn’t make them behave, and can permanently affect their physical and emotional development.

Abuse is the second-leading cause of death for children, topped only by sudden-infant-death syndrome (SIDS) in infants under six months, and accidents for older children, said Jeanne Mielke, pediatrician at the Albert Lea Medical Center.

Of the thousands of children who are physically abused nationwide, about three percent will die as a result of abuse. Those who survive will likely have low self-esteem and increased aggressiveness. They may suffer developmental delay, retardation or other physical damage. As they get older, they are more likely to abuse drugs, alcohol and their own children.

About 90 percent of child abuse is caused by an adult related to the child, Mielke said. Most abuse is due to a parent’s lack of anger management skills, or unrealistic expectations for children.

&uot;Normally it is not: ‘I hate you, so I’m going to hurt you,&uot; she said. &uot;It’s that things are too stressful and it’s a reaction.&uot;

Parents who are socially isolated, face financial stress, or have been abused themselves are more likely to abuse, Mielke said. Children who have medical problems or require more attention are more likely to be abused by parents. For example, premature babies are three times more likely to be abused than full-term babies, she said.

&uot;Anything that makes the kid harder to take care of than normal puts that kid at risk for abuse,&uot; Mielke said.

Pediatricians look for signs of abuse like several injuries in different stages of healing, she said. Broken ribs, shoulders, sternum or unusual bruising could also be a sign of abuse.

&uot;In bigger kids, it will be physical abuse,&uot; Mielke said. &uot;In babies, it could just be (evidence of) neglect or failure to thrive.&uot;

But children with certain medical problems could show bruising that seems to be the result of abuse. Doctors are well aware of those disease symptoms and other accidental injuries, Mielke said.

&uot;Usually, if something happens to a kid, a caring parent will bring that kid right away to have it checked,&uot; Mielke said.

But abusive parents may try to hide a child’s injuries or refuse to take them to the hospital if they fear being caught, she said.

&uot;Sometimes what will end up happening is a grandparent or someone will bring the child in, and that could be a signal,&uot; she said.

Physical abuse is not only illegal and harmful to children’s mental and emotional well being, it is not an effective disciplinary tool, Mielke said.

&uot;It has not been shown that physical abuse inspires compliance,&uot; she said. &uot;And kids that are physically punished are more likely to be physically abusive.&uot;

That means they will get into more fights with their peers, and may grow up to abuse their own children, she said.

There is a difference between physically disciplining your child and physically abusing them, but the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t recommend physical discipline in any case, Mielke said.

&uot;It is not the most effective means of discipline. It can lead to physical abuse and it can lead to harm, even unintended harm, to the child,&uot; she said.

Experts say parents should give disobedient children time-outs or take away privileges. They can also try diverting them from inappropriate activities. Parents will have to determine what punishments are appropriate for their children, but the trick is to be consistent and follow through, Mielke said.

It’s normal for parents to get angry when children misbehave, and right to discipline them, Mielke said. But parents should allow themselves to calm down first so they can be fair and consistent in disciplining their children.

Parents who stop physically disciplining their children will find other methods become as effective after a few months’ adjustment period, Mielke said.

&uot;Other methods don’t work as well when physical discipline is being used, because they don’t have the significance to the child,&uot; she said.

If disciplinary problems persist, the family should seek counselling, she said. Parents who were abused as children should also seek advice about positive parenting from a counselor or anger management group, she said.

&uot;Create a more extensive social support system for yourself,&uot; she said. &uot;Keep yourself from being isolated.&uot;

When parents feel themselves losing control over their anger, they should give themselves a time out, Mielke said.

&uot;Walk away,&uot; she said. &uot;Just open the door and walk outside. Stand by the outside door and count to 100, until you calm down.&uot;