Bob moved to Hartland and bought a business there.

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

Bob moved to Hartland and bought a business there. He named the business &uot;Bob’s.&uot; A lot of thought went into naming the business. As a matter of fact, Bob hired a focus group to come up with a name. After weeks of research, they came up with the name, &uot;Bob’s.&uot; Bob wasn’t particularly happy with the name, but after spending all that money to get it, he was pretty much stuck with it.

Bob bought the old Hanson house – a house that is to this day still known as the old Hanson house. Bob was the new guy in a very small Minnesota town. Sometimes it can be hard for a new person to find his place in a small town. When you are the new guy in a small Minnesota town, you do three things to fit in. First, you join one of the local churches. Second, you have kids to send to the local school. Bob had a small herd of children, so he was well covered in that area.

The third thing that a new guy does is to join the volunteer fire department. Bob joined the Hartland Volunteer Fire Department. He endured the hideous initiation rites and mastered the department’s complicated secret handshake. Bob was a dedicated fireman. Bob went to all the fire department meetings and seminars. Bob took all the training available and worked at every fundraiser for the fire department. Bob even studied at home in his spare time to learn how to become a better firefighter.

After three years, there had not been one fire that needed the services of the Hartland Volunteer Fire Department. Three years of studying, training and working for what? Not even one measly grass fire. Bob was still the new guy and thought he would probably continue to be the new guy until he could prove himself in action at the scene of a fire. Once his fellow firemen had the chance to see what kind of a man he was, Bob was sure he would be accepted as a real member of the community.

One day, Bob was busily working at his business. Did I mention that it was called &uot;Bob’s?&uot; Anyway, Bob was slaving away at his enterprise when the fire alarm on the water tower went off. The siren was an excruciatingly loud one and had been accused of waking the dead or at least a couple of Swedes from their noon nap. Bob couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was his big chance to become something other than the new guy. It seemed to Bob that being the new guy for three years was more than long enough for anybody.

Now was the moment he had been waiting for nearly all of those three years. This was the time when all that training, all those seminars and hours of study would pay off. He quickly got his wife to come in and watch his business for him. You remember, it was named &uot;Bob’s.&uot; Upon his spouse’s arrival, Bob went running from his business and jumped into the backseat of his station wagon. That’s right, in the excitement, Bob jumped into the backseat of his car. He had no explanation as to why he had done so, but the fact remains that he had. This strange act caused Bob to forget about the fire for an instant. Bob began to laugh at his own foolishness. As my mother used to say, &uot;He found a tee-hee’s nest with a ha-ha’s egg in it.&uot;

Bob could not stop laughing. There Bob was, sitting in the backseat of his old station wagon, laughing himself silly. When he finally stopped laughing long enough to draw a breath, Bob looked out the window of his vehicle just in time to see the fire trucks and the other firemen go by. Most of the members of the Hartland Volunteer Fire Department were looking right at Bob. Bob who was sitting in the backseat of his car instead of in the fire truck where he was supposed to be.

Bob sold his business named Bob’s many years later. It had been a successful venture. The people that bought it changed its name, but everyone still called it &uot;Bob’s.&uot; Bob retired from the Hartland Volunteer Fire Department after thirty years of fine service. He retired as an officer with a nearly spotless record that showed that he had only missed one fire – a grass fire.

Yes, Bob retired still known by most people as the new guy who didn’t know his backseat from his front.

Hartland resident Al Batt writes columns for the Wednesday and Sunday editions of the Tribune.