There is no such thing as a dumb question. There are, however, plenty of dumb answers as proved by my responses to the following questions.

&uot;Why do the airplanes of Northwest Airlines have red tails?&uot; So the pilots can find them in the snow.

&uot;Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of thousands of miles of streams and rivers, bike trails without end and millions acres of forest, but only one Krispy Kreme. What gives?&uot; Minnesotans are sweet enough without any help.

&uot;How can we lower the price of gasoline?&uot; Just let me fill my tank first. The price will drop the next day.

&uot;It seems like everyone collects something. What do you collect?&uot; I have a huge rock collection that I keep scattered about on farm fields all over the country.

&uot;How do they get the chickens to lay those eggs in rows in those egg cartons?&uot; There is a poultry hypnotist who travels from supermarket to supermarket and casts his spell on the hens so that they lay their eggs that way. He is also the guy who hypnotizes grapes so that they spit out their seeds and we can have seedless grapes.

&uot;There are so many people without health insurance and the cost of that insurance continues to rise. How can we solve the crisis in healthcare?&uot; We take all of the uninsured and pay to send them to medical school. This will provide us with enough health care professionals to lower the costs of healthcare while giving them enough income to buy their own coverage.

&uot;What exactly is lutefisk?&uot; It is cod rendered inedible.

&uot;Do live traps really work?&uot; Do they ever. I put out roast beef as bait and caught my brother-in-law.

&uot;Do you think too much red meat is bad for you?&uot; I don’t know, but my old school lunch program taught me that too much green meat was bad for me.

&uot;Do you really believe in the power of positive thinking?&uot; I sure do. I believe that if you think you can do something, you can talk your wife into doing it for you.

&uot;I drove by your neighbor Crandall’s farm the other day &045; who lives on the east side of him?&uot; There used to be the identical twins, Billy Bob and Bobby Bill who lived there. A few years ago, one of the twins died, but the one who is still alive is not sure if he is Bobby Bill, the one who died, or Billy Bob, the one who is still living.

&uot;What is a consultant?&uot; Someone who tells you things that are technically correct, but of no use whatsoever.

&uot;Did they have a wetlands protection law when you were a boy?&uot; Yes. My mother often told me, &uot;If you see mud, don’t step in it.&uot;

&uot;Do you have much willpower?&uot; Lots. I drove by an accident the other day and didn’t even look at it.

&uot;What does buffet mean?&uot; Buffet is a French word that means, &uot;get up and get it yourself.&uot;

&uot;I noticed that the local body shop advertises that they will install Minnesota chrome. What is Minnesota chrome?&uot; Duct tape.

&uot;How small is Hartland?&uot; Real small. It is so small that all of our homecoming games are away games.

&uot;Do bad things really come in threes?&uot; No. If they did, how would you explain the Minnesota Vikings?

&uot;Have you ever lived in an apartment?&uot; We lived in an apartment once that was so small we had to go outside in order to change our minds. Our dog had to wag its tail up and down instead of sideways.

&uot;What do the signs in front of Hartland say?&uot; One says, &uot;Hartland, Population 288.&uot; The other reads, &uot;Hartland, next 9 exits.&uot;

&uot;If you could do whatever you wanted, what would you be doing?&uot; I’d be hosting a nationwide radio show called, &uot;I’m Dumber Than You Are.&uot; People would call in and answer my questions.

&uot;My dog has an ingrown tail. What should I do?&uot; The first thing you should do is to take it to the clinic and have its rear end X-rayed to see if it is a happy dog or not.

&uot;How do you feel about getting older?&uot; There is nothing wrong with it as long as you keep doing it.

&uot;It sounds like you travel a fair amount; does your wife miss you?&uot; Oh, she misses me, but her aim is getting better.

&uot;How long have you and The Queen B been married?&uot; We have been married so long that we are on our second bottle of Tabasco sauce.

&uot;What can we do to help farmers make more income?&uot; Make corn and soybeans illegal.

Hartland resident Al Batt writes columns for the Wednesday and Sunday editions of the Tribune.