I’m driving a car of a variety that I didn’t even know existed.

I’m driving a rental car to a speaking engagement in northern Michigan.

I’m a good traveler.

I like going and I love returning home. I realize that every exit is an entrance.

I measure a journey in smiles, not miles. Marcel Proust observed that &uot;the real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.&uot;

I see more than I could remember and remember more than I could see.

Our world is as we see it and I am seeing it from a car that is unfamiliar to me.

It’s a Kia Amanti and it appears to be a nice car.

It’s a windy day.

So windy that it reminds me of a day in Hartland when after I had dug a series of post holes, a windstorm blew away the dirt from the holes and left all the holes sticking three feet in the air.

It was a day like the one when the stranger asked my Uncle Bill if it blew like this all of the time.

Uncle Bill told him, &uot;No, sometimes it blows from another direction.&uot;

Northern Michigan is beautiful.

It’s a place like everywhere else in the fact that it’s like nowhere else.

I quickly find that driving a Kia Amanti in northern Michigan on a windy day makes me hungry.

I pull into a cafe and order sausage, pancakes and hot tea.

As I enjoy my repast, my eyes travel to a couple of fast food restaurants across the highway.

The drive-through lanes of both restaurants were long.

It looked like a car lot.

We are in a hurry.

If we aren’t in a hurry, we hurry so we won’t have to be in a hurry.

We eat on the road.

Food has become our constant traveling companion. Travel broadens more than just minds. As we drive, we could be doing work for the Mission of Capistrano by taking more swallows than we can handle.

The sight of the many folks who are going to grab their food and go causes me to do some thinking.

I have concluded that the most popular eating spot in the United States is the front seat of a car.

As conclusive proof of this, I present the following evidence. One day, as you walk down the sidewalk or through a mall parking lot, take a look inside a few of the cars.

Don’t stare too long.

If you loiter you could end up doing some explaining to a law enforcement officer or be beaten up by an overly protective car owner.

If you look inside these cars, you will see the remnants of a meal eaten in the car.

At the very least, you will see a drained coffee cup and the napkin once protecting the seat from a sweet roll.

A table for one.

Some backseats have taken on the appearance of a dumpster outside a fast food restaurant.

A pound of fast food produces 10 pounds of garbage.

Further proof can be found in our road ditches.

There you will find lots of coffee cups and packaging from fast food restaurants lying alongside litter chucked out of a car window by folks who have a tendency to lose one shoe while driving.

We no longer have dashboards in our cars.

We have smorgasbords.

Our seat covers should be made of napkins.

We talk on our cell phones while eating a meal while heading down the highway.

Our vehicles are equipped with mini-refrigerators, XM, OnStar, GPS, a DVD player and a buffet.

We eat so often in our cars that our cars are greased more often inside than outside.

Spilled drinks stain the floor mats and laps.

We make do. We man the life boats and choke down a burger by drinking the melted ice water remaining in the cup.

Mustard finds hiding places on neckties and shirts.

A familiar scene plays over and over again. A driver bites into a slice of pizza, burning the roof of

his mouth.

He reacts in pain causing the cheese to slide off and land in his lap.

This creates what is known as a memorable driving experience.

Maybe there should be a driving violation called DWEP &045; Driving While Eating Pizza?

I’m not convinced that eating at 70 mph is a good idea.

It’s not safe for drivers or digestive tracts.

I think I’ll stick to eating inside buildings.

I like to eat food that isn’t moving.

(Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns run in the Tribune on Wednesdays and Sundays.)