September is one of those “in-between” months. September gives us that weather that is no longer summer and not quite yet fall. It’s not winter either. That’s why the 7th of September is “Neither Rain Nor Snow Day.” Helen Hunt Jackson wrote, “The goldenrod is yellow; the corn is turning brown; the trees in apple orchards with fruit are bending down; by all these lovely tokens September days are here; with summer’s best of weather and autumn’s best of cheer.”

September, like all other months, reminds us that we must all learn to make the best of whatever we have.

September is on average the fourth warmest month of the year in Minnesota—after July, August and June, in that order.

Here’s a look in the rearview mirror to see what happened last month.

Hurricanes Gustav, Hannah, Ike and Football Fantasy Leagues hit, disrupting lives.

The Nightmare on Wall Street proves to be more frightening than The Nightmare on Elm Street.

The government spends billions to bail out Fannie Mae’s fanny.

The 13th was “Defy Superstition Day.” This is a day when millions make a point to walk under a ladder. Thousands of dry cleaning establishments struggle to get the paint out of the clothes owned by those people who walked under ladders.

A study found that American CEOs, who 30 years ago were paid 35 times as much as an average worker, are now paid 344 times as much as an average worker. If you are not a CEO, multiply your income by 344 and have a happy imagination.

People searched for skeletons in the closet of the governor of Alaska. Are these people paleontologists?

A survey showed that the average amount left by the Tooth Fairy in Britain had fallen 29 percent in six months. The Tooth Fairy has had to lay off over 2,500 dentists.

A study determined that Neanderthal brains were much like ours. No wonder I never understood trigonometry. I really was a Neanderthal.

A headline read, “Airlines push to improve customer service.” Soon, passengers will be pushing the planes.

A member of the British Computer Society received a notice that her lifetime membership was about to expire.

Hewlett-Packard, which last year gave its CEO $26 million in compensation, announced it will cut 24,600 jobs over the next three years to lower costs.

There were great strides made in the development of bacon-flavored bourbon. There is nothing like a glass of bacon on ice to unwind after a hard day.

Two university studies found that Amish avoid obesity by getting more exercise.

The almanacs told us that our winter will be either warm and dry, cold and dry, warm and wet, or cold and wet.

Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union.

A study showed that cell phones emit radiation that can cause people sleepless nights. So can reading news like that.

Scientists said the sea level will rise only between two and six feet by the year 2100, down from a previous forecast of 20 feet. That means CEOs will be buying beachfront property in Arizona instead of Colorado.

A man in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, had eaten 23,000 Big Macs since 1972 and he had the receipts to prove it.

Toyota began advertising new cars that run on alternative fuels. One experimental car was driven across the country powered by French fry oil. The only drawback was that the driver had to stop every three thousand miles to change the ketchup.

Barclays Bank in England purchased bankrupt Lehman Brothers and immediately laid off one of the Lehman Brothers.

The state of New Hampshire averages 230 moose-automobile collisions a year. That’s almost twice the number of Elks, Lions and Knights of Columbus combined.

A survey claimed that 97 percent of American kids play video games. The survey had a margin of error of three percent.

Ask Al

“Hey, Al, why can’t we let evil people have flutes?” Because then the terrorists woodwind.

“How can I start using my credit card less often?” Duct tape it to a hairy and sensitive part of your body before you go shopping.

“What are rollover minutes?” It’s the few minutes of sleep you get after hitting the snooze alarm.

“Why do the planes of Northwest Airlines have red tails?” So the pilots can find them in the snow.

“What is another name for an accordion?” The Stomach Steinway.

“Is there a Mensa group just for women?” Yes, it’s called Womensa.

“What do you think about wind power?” I know men who have been farming, fishing and golfing with wind power for many years.

“Where is the Space Needle?” It’s in Seattle, not far from the Space Thread.

Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear every Sunday and Wednesday.