Mandy: I’m Catholic, so I must confess, I was fooled this week.

Angie: I’m intrigued. What could have possibly duped Ms. Nave McGulliablepants?

Mandy: Lots, but the biggest offender: Culver’s. I had a scoop of frozen, delicious yogurt, and when I got home I, being the good Weight Watcher that I am, checked the point value of my supposedly healthy alternative. What did I discover?

Angie: Please, stop. I’m begging you. I don’t want to know. Allow my love affair with frozen dairy products to continue unabated.

Mandy: I believe it’s the role of any journalist to inform the masses, even quasi-journalists like we, so I must. Frozen yogurt is neither low calorie, nor low fat.

Angie: Ah, good bye sweet yogurt in all your frozen scrumptiousness.

Mandy: I hate it when I’m made to look a fool, kind of like I felt when Milli Vanilli’s ruse was uncovered.

Angie: Blame that one on the rain. Yeah, yeah.

Mandy: I was also fooled by perms.

Angie: Who wasn’t? I was bamboozled by country music. It is like the one-night stand you ran away from so fast you left your favorite T-shirt behind. I want that shirt back.

Mandy: Two words, one mistake: Hugh Grant. He seemed so charming.

Angie: M. Night Shyamalan is always full of surprises, but I like it when he fools me. I usually pay him to do it.

Mandy: What about the book we just finished, “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo?

Angie: That book had me thinking no one was just that into me.

Mandy: It’s a self-help book that can be found in the marriage and love section, and its film adaptation is currently in theaters.

Angie: I hate the term “self-help.”

Mandy: Now I’m intrigued.

Angie: It sounds like you need to save yourself. They might as well call them “life preservers.” It’s just icky.

Mandy: In the subtitle, the authors proclaim the book to be “The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys,” which sounds a lot like Fox News’s No Spin Zone.

Angie: I also hate the No Spin Zone. I seem to really be hating during Valentine’s week. Bummer, man. But I can’t stand it when someone or something needs to tell us how good it is. Except this column, which is great. Seriously, tell your friends.

Mandy: We haven’t gotten into the meat of the book yet.

Angie: Probably because there isn’t any.

Mandy: Its format is ridiculous fake letters — caricatures of single women — being answered by two unqualified individuals. Behrendt is a comedian and Tuccillo is a TV writer, most notably for “Sex and the City.”

Angie: Which makes the book funny, intentionally and unintentionally.

Mandy: As long as you don’t apply it to real life, otherwise we’d both be getting divorces. Which is not funny.

Angie: You think Jamie A. Kyllo, Attorney at Law, would give us a two-for-one deal?

Mandy: We probably wouldn’t even be married because we wouldn’t have gotten that far. If you applied the rules Behrendt and Tuccillo outline in this book to any relationship, the relationship would fail. “He’s Just Not That Into You” oversimplifies men.

Angie: It also suggests women take a passive role in dating and aren’t allowed any control over the future of their relationships.

Mandy: We sound kinda bitter. I feel like I should confess again; I liked this book on first read.

Angie: Me too. Let’s be better, not bitter. I should write a self-help book. I will call it “Life Preservers for the Better, Not Bitter”. Look for it next fall.

Mandy: I like the alliteration.

Angie: I wanted to add butter in there somewhere, but this is a book, not a Saltine.

Mandy: Once you let this book marinate in your psyche, you realize it’s a piece of fluff, no more life changing than an episode of “Two and a Half Men.”

Angie: I hate “Two and a Half Men.” That show is one Steve Guttenburg short of a mediocre ‘80s movie.

Mandy: So, to sum up our Valentine’s Day hate fest, we just weren’t that into this book. Put it in the back of the freezer, next to the frozen yogurt. And Hugh Grant.

Angie: I can’t forget Hugh Grant. Even if I wish I could.

Mandy: This Valentine’s Day celebrate your single status. You’re in good company: your own.

Angie: Curl up with a good book, just not this one. It was entertaining, but that’s it. It may have hooked us in the beginning with its syrupy compliments and witty writing, but we learned our lesson. Fool us once, shame on “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Mandy: Being fooled so often reminds me of that song by The Who.

Angie: “We fell on our knees and prayed, we don’t get fooled again.”

Mandy and Angie don’t hate Albert Lea, where they live. You can contact them at bookendscolumn@gmail.com.