Column: Something About Nothing

I read an article in PC Magazine recently. It was titled “The 10 Victims of Recent Tech” by Benj Edwards. After reading that article, I decided that soon I am going to be obsolete.

The first obsolete victim according to Edwards was pay phones. I never liked using them when I was out and about and had to call someone. I never could find the right change or I never had enough change. What is going to happen to Clark Kent without phone booths? He won’t have any place to change so Superman can save the day.

Mr. Edwards’ second choice was letters. I am mourning the demise of letters. I have written about that before in my column. It doesn’t seem quite as romantic to receive that love letter via e-mail or to receive an undying declaration of love via text message. However, my big concern is that we aren’t going to know how to use our hands someday to write a name or write a word. I can see it someday: “I’ll text that to you. I don’t know how to write. They don’t cover writing school, but I got an A++ in texting.” It may be the demise of letters today, but is it the demise of knowing how to write tomorrow?

I’ll skip to No. 4, which is paper road maps. They are being replaced by GPS systems. Men no longer have an excuse for not knowing how to find a place. They don’t have to ask a real person for directions. When they can’t read the map, the GPS system will tell them where to go. (You can take that any way you want.)

There will be no more fights where the wife says, “Can’t you just stop and ask someone?” The answer usually is “I know where I’m going!” All this as they wander around looking for the right street and the wife steams in the passenger seat. GPS systems may save marriages.

No. 5 on the list is card catalogs. I think Edwards should have added book shelves and library rooms in houses. With the invention of the Nook and Kindle and other reading devices there will no longer be a reason to have bookshelves or library rooms. Library rooms will become relics and if you have one in your home you will be able to turn it into a museum as the younger generation will not know what it is.

Edwards added checkbooks to his list. I love my checkbook. I have double checks so I don’t have to worry about forgetting where I recently spent my money. It might be easier to swipe a debit card, but it was very easy to write counter checks in the “olden days.” Ask people how many counter checks they forgot and how many times the bank told them they were overdrawn.

No. 7 was wristwatches. Take a peek next time you are in a crowd and guess the ages of the people that wear wristwatches. I wear mine in a drawer these days.

I suppose it is good that No. 8 is being phased out. No. 8 is phone books. I happen to think it is less time consuming to pick up a phone book and find the number. Maybe we should have a contest: phone book against computer or cell phone. Who can find the number first? Of course speed would depend on your electronic convenience being turned on and connected. The trees will thank us for ditching our phone books.

I am going to be obsolete. Pretty soon our kids won’t need us to get their breakfast, wash their clothes and tell them what time curfew is. Our refrigerator and cupboards will automatically be programmed to pop out the cereal, pour the milk and remind the kids how much time they have before they have to leave for school.

The central laundry vacuum will take all the clothes on the floor and sweep them into the chutes that are installed in the walls and drop the clothes in the wash machine. The dryer will automatically have arms that fold and put the clothes on the return vents and neatly deposit them back on the floor in the kids’ rooms.

An image will pop up on the couch in the evening mimicking grandma sitting next to the grandchildren. The image will be projected from the latest gaming appliance that is connected. It will diffuse a scent that will transmit a feeling that the grandma that loves them is sitting right next to them and hugging them. Everyone will wonder what life used to be like in the olden days when there really were moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas. The article will read “What was life like with real grandparents?”

If you would like to read the items I left out in Edwards’ article visit pcmagazine.com and look for “The Ten Victims of Recent Tech.”

I leave you with these words of wisdom about last week’s column: I used to be a Beverly Hillbilly, but I left my life of Cheers and became a Dukes of Hazard. I should have known a Flintstones life would leave me without any Friends. So I retreated to Gilligan’s Island where Mr. Ed taught me that eating Rawhide would make me strong and bring me to Happy Days. When I returned we kept my secret All in the Family.

Wells resident Julie Seedorf’s column appears every Monday. Send e-mail to her at thecolumn@bevcomm.net. Her blog is www.thankfuljoy.com. Listen to KBEW AM radio 1:30 p.m. Sundays for “Something About Nothing.”