Column: Pothole Prairie

The New England Patriots and the New York Giants meet in Super Bowl 46. (I’ve noticed that many media outlets have just given up on the whole Roman numeral thing. I agree.)

That’s great if you are from one of the eight states in the northeast corner of the map of the United States. But Minnesota isn’t one of them. Here are some ways to while away the time:

 

1. Watch the Matthew Broderick commercial in advance.

That’s right. You can go to YouTube and search “Honda CRV” and you will find a long version of the Honda advertisement that is scheduled to air at the start of the fourth quarter. It features Matthew Broderick reprising his role as Ferris Bueller. Well, sort of. He actually plays himself and is blowing off work to go enjoy a nice day in his sporty crossover, the Honda CRV.

 

2. Talk about Peyton Manning’s future.

Everybody else is. In fact, the owner of the Indianapolis Colts, Jim Irsay, is seeking to quiet chatter about the future of his franchise’s quarterback. Peyton, as everyone knows, is the older brother of the kid playing quarterback for the New York Giants. Both brothers each have a Super Bowl ring. Eli Manning, after Sunday, might have two. And the big game is happening in Indianapolis.

If you don’t know anything about the situation with Peyton, just sound knowledgable by saying this, “I bet Irsay pays Manning that $28 million roster bonus before March 8. He wouldn’t risk losing him as a free agent, even with that neck injury.”

Or say this, “I bet Irsay doesn’t pay Manning that $28 million roster bonus before March 8. With all the firing he’s done lately, he wants the Colts to have fresh start.”

 

3. Rank your favorite halftime performers.

I found it impressive that Elton John in an ABC interview said what he would say to Madonna before she goes on stage Sunday at the Super Bowl: “I hope you lip-sync good.” The two don’t like each other, if you don’t know.

John likes performers who actually sing live and gave credit to the Rolling Stones and Minnesota’s own Prince for performing well at the Super Bowl. I’d have to agree.

For your debate’s sake, here are some other past performers: Black Eyed Peas, The Who, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, Paul McCartney, Janet Jackson, Shania Twain, U2, Aerosmith with Britney Spears.

Trivia: Who starred at the Super Bowl halftime show in 1992 at the Metrodome? Gloria Estefan with figure skaters Brian Boitano and Dorothy Hamill. The theme was a tribute to the 1992 Winter Olympics.

 

4. Demand that the roof be retracted.

The big shots in the NFL always worry about the weather with these Super Bowls in the north. They only have had them in stadiums with a roof, like the Metrodome in Minneapolis or Ford Field in Detroit.

However, last year, the Super Bowl was down south in Dallas, Texas. It experienced snow and ice that fell from the roof and injured six workers. But as Super Bowl week got under way in Indianapolis on Monday, people were walking around in hooded sweatshirts and no coats. The air temperature hit 58 degrees.

Lucas Oil Stadium has a retractable roof. I expect it is to be closed on Sunday. The forecast calls for a high of 44, with partly sunny skies and a 20 percent chance of rain.

I say if they are real football players, they should retract the roof and play outdoors.

I am glad the NFL plans to play the first northern outdoor Super Bowl in 2014 in New Jersey. Football is an all-weather sport. I hope 2016 goes to Denver, Pittsburgh or Seattle or some northern town with an open stadium.

5. See what’s on other channels.

But not during the commercials, of course. Do it during the game. After all, it is just the New England Patriots versus the New York Giants. It’s a battle made for East Coast-based (and -biased) ESPN, but fortunately it will not be aired on that network. I thankfully won’t have to hear Jon Gruden hype everything he sees. But the game is on NBC, and we will be subject to the mistaken opinions of Cris Collinsworth (who always seems to be watching a different game than I am, but, hey, he has a deep voice, so they give him a microphone) and the ready-to-retire-but-still-great Al Michaels.

So here if you wish to flip to other channels during the game and flip back to NBC for the commercials, here is what will be on the tube at 5 p.m. Sunday:

• CBS affiliate KIMT: “Third Rock from the Sun,” “CBS Evening News,” “Undercover Boss,” “60 Minutes” then “CSI Miami.”

• Fox affiliate KXLT: 1999 chick flick “The Love Letter” then 1994 action comedy “Beverly Hills Cop III.”

• ABC affiliate KAAL: Um, well, don’t bother, unless you like nonstop funny home videos.

“Cupcake Wars” on Food Network looks fairly good.

 

Tribune Managing Editor Tim Engstrom’s column appears every Tuesday.