Pothole Prairie by Tim Engstrom

Ever have someone at your work who complains a lot?

I don’t mean the occasional vent. Everyone vents a little, and the best ones do it discretely with the correct audience. No, I am talking about workers whose modus operandi is to disagree about everything relating to work.

Yes, I have become convinced that complaining is simply the way some people approach work. Whine. Moan. Fuss. Ache. Snivel. Grouse. Grumble. Gripe. Never a good word. Always in agony. The best term to describe them is “chronic complainers.”

The best ways for managers to handle chronic complainers is A. simply not to hire them, and B. to build a fair workplace culture with open, honest communication and a good dose of buy-in for some of the decision making. Most of all, don’t let young, impressionable new employees encounter a culture of complaining so that they, too, don’t become complainers.

After all, think about how much time is wasted because of complaining.

Firstly, there is the drain on morale that slows productivity. Aren’t we all more efficient when we are motivated to accomplish the task at hand?

Secondly, there is the rumor mill. So-and-so is having problems with the new whatchamacallit. Blah blah blah. Workers waste time figuring out who is having what kind of issue and with whom. Workplace politics is a horrible distraction.

Thirdly, there is the discipline. Managers have meetings to discuss this person’s attitude problems, then there are meetings with the person in question, perhaps a written statement becomes necessary, then afterward more rumor mill and the cycle continues.

Enough.

The goal for managers ought not to be whether this worker is in trouble and this one isn’t. The goal is to avoid having issues arise in the first place.

I don’t feel sorry for managers — the ones who have proper authority, I mean, because there are good mid-managers who are overruled by their haphazard supervisors — who fail to build a low-drama, task-focused, team-oriented atmosphere at work. Some bosses find ways to add to the drama. Some bosses build an entire staff of chronic complainers. Good ones find ways to set a vision for the workplace atmosphere, explain it, then execute it.

I do feel sorry for workers who must deal with complainers. The fact is, chronic complaining is childish. Most people — especially ones who have children at home — don’t want the drama. Some have to trudge through their workday dealing with a whiner.

Think about how complaining is a trap. A complainer gabs the ear of a co-worker seeking validation, and if the listener doesn’t signal some kind of agreement, then that person appears to disagree with the complainer, right? Well, that’s a trap and not fair. Just because misery loves company doesn’t mean the listener has to be the company. What if the listener simply doesn’t want to take in negative morale. Some call it not wanting the bad karma.

If the listener responds, “I am sorry, I just don’t feel like complaining right now,” then that accuses the complainer of complaining, which of course can bring on more drama.

I have even heard of complainers dragging co-workers into their issue. When confronted by the boss about whatever disagreement was at hand, the complainer brings up that so-and-so disagrees with management, too, when in fact so-and-so went only along with the complainer so they could get along peacefully in the same room for eight hours.

So what do you do?

• Don’t agree with the complainer. Don’t even try to cheer them up. Mindless agreement will make you an ally to a complainer, and you don’t want that.

• Realize their mindset. Complainers think they are good people on the wrong end of a series of unfortunate happenings. Take away one reason for a complaint and sure enough another pops up.

• Offer neutral phrases if you don’t have the time or inclination to confront. Utter such as phrases as “Interesting,” “Really?” and “Oh.”

• Try a distraction. Change the subject. Take a break. Go to the restroom. Ask for assistance. Anything to steer the conversation in a new direction.

• Encourage them to find a solution. Ask, “So what are you going to do about it?” Ask, “Why don’t you go talk to the boss?”

• Express sympathy — overtly. “I didn’t realize your situation was so awful. I feel so sorry for you.” Often, they will backpedal and stop. “Oh, it’s not that bad.”

• Disassociate yourself from the issue. Say, “I don’t know anything and don’t want to know” or “I am just trying to collect a paycheck so I can feed my kids.”

• Confront them about it. This is the best solution to put an end to a chronic complainer. Say, “I hear what you are saying, but I see things differently.” Explain that you don’t like being in the awkward position of deciding whether you agree or disagree on workplace matters. Parents might even add that they have enough quarrels to solve with kids.

Yiddish has a word for a chronic complainer. That person is called a kvetch. It descends from words in German, Hebrew and Aramaic that all mean “to squeeze.”

 

Albert Lea Tribune Editor Tim Engstrom’s column appears every Tuesday.