Dear Leah,

This time of year is always hard for me. Everyone is celebrating, but I can’t seem to get into the spirit. I don’t have a lot of family and am still single. I want to have fun, but I just don’t know how to get out of the funk I’m in during the holidays. Any ideas?

— Un-Merry

 

Dear Un-Merry,

Oh, you are not alone! The holidays can be so difficult —even for people who are surrounded by family and have a significant other.

The biggest challenge to overcome is our expectation that everything is going to be wonderful and cheerful and bright.

This time of year is anything but bright. The days aren’t as long. It gets dark earlier. And for those of us who live in the north, there isn’t as much opportunity to be outside without experiencing great discomfort with the cold and sloppy weather.

An added dynamic that makes things challenging is how our society becomes extra obsessed with consumerism this time of year. I’m not sure if this adds to your strife, but I have seen it create added stress. If you must buy groceries or essentials, you are no doubt overwhelmed with “holiday cheer” which doesn’t help if you’re already feeling down.

I can attest that I have wonderful people in my life, but I have had several years when the holidays were challenging. Sometimes relationships add drama that is exhausting.

No matter what circumstance you are in, you certainly can make your holidays merrier.

You should start with examining your expectations — are you expecting to be happy and joyful (like the signs say)?

If you aren’t happy and full of joy, you need to be OK with it. Don’t blame yourself for feeling this way — there are likely other things going on that you can address.

You may be struggling with SAD (seasonal affective disorder), which affects approximately 20 percent of the population. In countries like Norway, where there is less sunlight, many people suffer from light deprivation. If you think either of these situations may apply, there are special lamps you can buy that will help you both physically and emotionally.

Are there specific reasons why you’re feeling down? If you’re lonely, you can invite friends over or find out if there are events you can attend in your community. Most of the time you can find something to do that’s fun; I’m sure there are others who will want to join you so please ask around to see if someone wants to join you.

Are you disgruntled with the holidays, in general? You can choose to host an anti-holiday party or find one you can attend. These parties are usually for people who aren’t into the holidays for one reason or another. You are likely to meet some interesting people and it may offer new horizons you haven’t considered before.

You don’t need to feel pressured to comply with how other people celebrate. It is up to you to create your own traditions. Once you have figured out the root cause of why you’re feeling down, you can start to seek experiences that mean something to you. Who knows what adventures may await you? You could take a trip to Aruba, you could climb a mountain. The opportunities are endless!

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.