Things I Tell My Wife by Matt Knutson

“I think we need to just pull over and wait for the storm to pass,” I said to Sera as visibility continued to decrease as we headed home after our deer hunting trip on Monday. The first real winter storm of the season had arrived and fate had decided that we would have to drive through it in order to get back home. Winter had arrived early, and Sera was none too thrilled.

The snowfall began on our way up to the cabin and continued off and on as we sat in the deer stand waiting for Bambi’s father to make an appearance. As gunshots rang out from neighboring hunters, Sera let out audible groans of frustration.

“Really?” “Seriously?” she asked rhetorically.

The neighbors seemed to be having all the luck in the world while we sat patiently waiting for a deer to appear. The snow was the only thing brave enough to make an appearance, and it proved to be a commanding one.

I remember staring out my work desk window last year as the first snow fell and texting Sera about how magical it looked. I’ve always found the first snow to be a bit romantic. The big flakes getting caught in Sera’s pretty curls while her shivering smile expresses her eagerness to go back inside moments after she had just rushed outside to experience the first flakes. That movie moment didn’t happen this year.

No, my first memory of snow this year will be of us driving for 11 hours to return home from our hunting trip. The trip nearly doubled in length because of Monday’s storm. Heavy, blowing snow combined with ice-covered roads in northern Minnesota meant our maximum speed during one two-hour stretch was 25 mph.

Of course, brave (read: stupid) drivers would try passing the mile-long caravan of cars slowly trudging through the storm. Their lead foot brushed up more snow; decreasing visibility further. We tried not feeling happy about seeing their cars in the ditch later down the road, but in some situations you can’t be entirely nice all the time.

It is in fact the unpleasant situations, like winter storm driving, that either help or hurt marriages. If there was a way for premarital counselors to replicate our trek from the cabin to our home earlier this week, I think many couples would begin to have a much clearer understanding of the necessary level of commitment and love that marriage demands. Travel can be stressful for anyone, and adding in poor weather conditions brings a challenge many aren’t up to.

Engaged couples: I recommend a long blizzard drive for you to see how your relationship fares.

Thankfully, things fared will for Sera and me. I’ve been blessed with a perceptive spouse who knows (for the most part) what I need without me needing to express it.

Under stressful situations, my tactic is to plow through as best as possible, and my decision-making process is normally incredibly rational and well-thought-out. Sera complemented that with complete support in whatever decision I made, knowing dissonance would cause unnecessary added stress as I drove.

She would readily admit that winter driving is not her area of expertise, and that spousal support (in the form of handing me chocolate, per my request) was the best possible way for her to be my wife at that very moment in time.

A successful marriage relies on teamwork, and that’s (thankfully) exactly how we chose to operate. I was reminded on Monday that in every relationship, someone is more suited to do something than the other person. It’s the combination and collaboration of the two people that bring about success.

Sure, I could have driven through that snowstorm without Sera by my side, but it would have resulted in me aging 10 years in 11 hours. Being reminded to rely on one another is a very humbling event, and one for which I’m extremely thankful.

Deciding to pull off the highway for an hour wasn’t admitting the storm had defeated us, it was giving us an opportunity for a much-needed date. Warm soup and French silk pie served as a spectacular second lunch as the snow lightened, and we once again felt safe to travel. Sometimes, though hopefully not often, a terribly annoying winter storm is just what you need to be reminded of the many blessings your spouse provides.

 

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.