Something About Nothing by Julie Seedorf

I have been in hibernation mode; at least, that is how it seems. The weather is cold and snowy. My house is warm and cozy. There is no question which is more attractive.

The problem with hibernation mode is the fact I can go a week without face-to-face conversation with anyone except my husband. Social media keep me up on the news of the world and my friends. I chat and converse online, occasionally over Skype, but it is not the same as face-to-face contact.

Along with personal contact, when you hibernate in your home, your life experiences hibernate with you and are confined to your home also. Hibernation mode makes my life smaller. It might not be a problem to be in hibernation mode for some. It might be a lonely feeling for those who are shut in all the time. I do know the more I stay in, the more I don’t want to go out into the world.

For me, hibernation mode is a hindrance when it comes to creativity for this column. My creativity has to come from inside — inside my house that is. I traveled up the stairs, down the stairs, pulling out drawers, looking at my yard and laughing at my shysters trying to find inspiration for today’s column. I had to rule out the shysters because that was last week’s column.

And then — and then — I found my inspiration in the bathroom, by the toilet.

Poop. I can’t believe I used that word in my column, but I did. No, I did not find any bits of excrement by my toilet, but I did find something that I know was a joke, but as it turns out the joke is on the giver of the present. I found Poo-Pourri.

It is widely known, because I have spread the news, that my downstairs bathroom had been in disarray for the last year plus a few months. It fell apart when the sewer pipe broke between the second floor bathroom and my downstairs bathroom.

We had to rip out walls, vanities, cupboards, ceiling, floor and toilet to fix the bathroom. It finally came together in November of this year in time for me to have company for Thanksgiving Day.

December is Christmas and the time for gifts. One of my good friends gave me a gift and in the bag along with my Christmas gift was a bathroom warming present. The name on the bottle was Poo-Pourri Magic Spritzmas. Under the name it announces “Tis the Season to Smell.”

We had a good laugh. She knew I had wanted to put a bathroom fan in my downstairs bathroom when it was tore apart but because my house is vintage or an antique it wasn’t possible. This was my friend’s solution to my angst. It was a joke and neither one of us thought it would work.

According to the label Poo-Pourri is a before you go toilet spray. It is a blend of vanilla, peppermint and natural essential oils that is supposed to create a barrier and stop the smell.

It is kind of like a “little dab will do ya.” You spray a little dab in the toilet bowl water before you go and no one will ever know what you left behind.

I launched an Internet search to find out how Poo-Pourri got started, but its website did not have that information. I did find out there are other scents and other products, and the testimonials are good.

I have to say the joke is on my friend. It is the best bath-warming gift I have received. It is also the only bath-warming gift I have received. My husband thanks her because I am no longer lamenting about having no bathroom fan, and I guarantee the word poop has never graced my column before. And it never will again.

I am out of hibernation mode and relentlessly pursuing other unsuspecting subjects outside of my home. I will be incognito. You won’t recognize me if you see me because the picture that resides with my column is from 2006. I will be out and about, waiting to pounce on my next unsuspecting subject whether it be an inanimate object or a human being. You are warned.

 

Wells resident Julie Seedorf’s column appears every Monday. Send email to her at thecolumn@bevcomm.net. Her Facebook page is www.facebook.com/sprinklednotes.