Tales From Exit 22 by Al Batt

He’d never owned a horse.

He’d never even ridden one, but he liked horses.

Maybe it was because they weren’t cows. He’d spent a lot of time milking cows and raising beef cattle.

His boys had taken over the farm. It was a good deal. They paid him to stay away. The boys suggested that he and their mother spend the winter someplace warm, where snow shovels are novelty items to be hung on walls. His wife was all for it. She hated the cold and ice, and thanks to “The Weather Channel,” she’d learned that there was nicer weather elsewhere. He agreed to become a snowbird and flee south. He did so grudgingly. He wasn’t completely convinced that the boys (they remained “the boys” regardless of their ages) could operate without having his wisdom to call upon, even though they hadn’t called upon it for years.

His only requirement was to winter where there was horse racing. He wanted to go to the track.

They bought a park model mobile home nestled in the middle of countless similar residences. The home wasn’t tiny, but it was small enough that his wife was more than happy that he went to the track each day.

He’d never been a gambler. He’d never bought a lottery ticket or a single pull tab. He’d heard about the evils of gambling and he didn’t want to fall prey to the vagaries of Lady Luck. He decided that the best way to keep from becoming a penniless soul to be pitied was to limit his bets to $2 per day.

Each day, he kissed his wife and left home, driving his old Buick to the track.

Each day, he bet $2.

Each day, he lost $2.

It was fun. He’d learned that favorite horses win about 33 percent of the time. He found out about betting to win, place or show. A win bet means betting on a horse to win. A place bet means betting on a horse to finish either first or second. A show bet means betting on a horse to finish first, second or third (commonly called finishing in the money).

He usually bet to show. He won now and then, but mostly, he lost.

He typically placed his bet, took his ticket and then tore it up when his bet didn’t pay off.

Sometimes he’d get a little philosophical and mumble that betting on horses was just like life — no sure things. Mostly, he just bet his $2.

That morning, he had bacon for breakfast. He loved bacon, but seldom had it. The bacon took the place of his normal raisin bran and apparently, altered his thinking.

He drove a highway filled with cars traveling at breakneck speeds. Most days, he took a meandering, longer route to avoid the mad rush.

He liked to get to the track before noon so that he could study the program. It may have been the bacon, he’d had three pieces, that caused him to bet his $2 on a horse to win.

He bought a program and searched for a horse worth betting on. The one that caught his eye in the first race was Lounging Lloyd. His wife had a brother named Lloyd who lounged. He checked the odds. They were 99 to 1. The horse must have really liked to lounge. He bet $2 on Lounging Lloyd.

Perhaps stung by a wasp, Lounging Lloyd won.

He collected $200. That was amazing.

He decided to bet it all on the next race. It might have been the bacon.

He picked Pal of Mine to win. The odds were better, 60 to 1, and the horse won.

He collected $12,200. It was just that easy.

He decided to keep going. He could buy a newer Buick. He bet it on Rolling Dice in the next race. Rolling Dice was a favorite at 2 to 1 odds.

Rolling Dice prevailed. He collected $36,600. He could buy a newer Buick and a nicer mobile home.

He picked the next horse. It was Magic Marilyn. His wife’s name was Marilyn.

He bet it all on Magic Marilyn to win at 5 to 2 odds.

The horse finished fourth.

He collected nothing.

He tore up his ticket and left the track.

He drove home, turned into the mobile home park and parked his car in its proper spot. He walked into the house, noticing that his wife had cleaned what needed no cleaning.

“I’m home,” he yelled.

“How did you do, honey?” she yelled back.

“Same as always. I lost $2.”

 

Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear every Wednesday and Sunday.