The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

My husband and I recently had a child. We share the duties, but he’s always been more involved with organized activities like bowling and volleyball. He has events several nights a week.

Right now, I don’t get any time for myself. I’m exhausted because I work all day and then I come home and take care of our son. I love him and I love being a mom but I can tell I’m getting burned out.

What do I do?

— Wasting Away

 

Dear Wasting Away,

Parenting is a long-term commitment. At times I compare it to a marathon — and not one that only lasts eight hours, but the ones that are super intense and go through rugged terrain without much opportunity for rest. Yes, that sounds dramatic for people who haven’t been parents (or had a fussy baby), but I’m sure many people can relate.

There are a variety of options for you and it all depends on whether your husband is willing to take some time away from his activities.

The first year or two of a child’s life is consumed with 24 hour care — feeding, changing, restless nights, etc. but eventually things will start to settle down. You could ask your husband to take a break from one of his activities so he can spend more time with the two of you or give you a night off.

Another option is to enlist the help of a friend or family member who can watch your son for a few hours. It’s amazing how one or two hours of solitude/personal time can re-energize you. You will find yourself missing your son during these times, too, so the reunion and additional hours you spend up with him in the middle of the night will be that much sweeter.

You can also find groups to meet with that are appropriate for both mother and child — your son will be distracted by the activity and you will get some time to interact with others. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who understands and will listen to you — that is also very energizing and encouraging.

The best advice I have heard is, “This too, shall pass.” Please don’t allow yourself to become resentful of your husband or get overwhelmed to the point that you are frustrated with your son. We need to take care of ourselves, but the reality is that we are spending a lot of energy on others and that is exhausting.

It won’t last forever. Try to find enjoyment and appreciation for this experience and the honor you have of being your son’s mother.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert.gmail.com.