Shemar Moore is leaving “Criminal Minds.” I couldn’t believe what was happening on a recent episode with his departing the team. “Criminal Minds” is a crime show on Wednesday evenings on CBS. I began to watch “Criminal Minds” because of Shemar Moore. He had been on one of my favorite soaps, and I followed his career to “Criminal Minds.” He has been on the show for 12 years. I know the series is a little graphic at times, but when it is I shut my eyes or turn down the sound. I like the mystery of the show. Can “Criminal Minds” survive without Shemar Moore?

I used to watch “American Idol.” Without Simon Cowell, the snark wasn’t the same. I didn’t always like the snark, but it made for good ratings and drama. Sometimes I am a drama queen. The show is ending this year. Was it time for it to end, or was it because the snark is gone?

In an interview, Shemar Moore said it was time to move on — to do something different — to stretch himself. He didn’t seem to be worried the show could go on without him. He understood the other actors are capable of continuing the show without him.

I thought about real life and the choices we make. Don’t some of us think committees and organizations couldn’t get along without our leadership if we quit?

I used to be a very busy person involved in many organizations and serving as president or being in charge of various groups and fundraising tasks when I was younger. I was busy and in charge to the point I didn’t do anything well. I was pieced between committees and leadership. Ask a busy person — people did —and I always said yes.

Was it unselfish of me to say yes in those days? No. I said yes for various reasons although I did not realize it at the time. I said yes because I needed to feel accepted as a part of the groups, and I wanted to be liked. I said yes because it fed my ego when I was in charge. I think it had more to do with control rather than leadership. I didn’t have control in other parts of my life, so I could have control in the committees I was in charge of.

Did things get accomplished for the greater good? Yes, in most instances. Was I the only one who could make these organizations flourish and grow? I probably thought so at the time. I had the heart for the projects, but I also had the “me” emotion, so I think it probably canceled out the heart. Until I became older and wiser, I did not realize this was happening. I thought I was leading for all the right reasons. I was not always a kind leader. I was more of a pushy leader. I took ownership of that which I led and forgot it was a group effort and a community or church effort. The activities I was in charge of didn’t belong to me, but I claimed them.

I must admit there were times I thought if I quit, the organization would not be able to go on without me. Who would pick up the slack? Who would want to do it? What would happen if no one stepped up? Would the organization or activity fold?

I used to watch soap operas that are no longer on the air. I was devastated when they ended. They relaxed me when I watched them because life could not be possibly as bad as the soap operas. Life went on, and though I miss them, I survived. Perhaps it was time for them to end. I now have a different viewpoint on endings.

I no longer feel the need to lead or join because of self worth. I feel comfortable in my skin, and that is a good feeling. I no longer feel the need to be a part of everything so I can belong. I no longer feel the need to own that which I am a part of. I pick and choose what I help with for the right reasons — because there is a need, and I can fulfill that need from the heart, not the control part of my mind.

Guess what? The places and groups I thought couldn’t get along without me are doing fine. Someone stepped up with new ideas and new directions. The activities that didn’t survive because there was no interest and only a few of us to keep them alive, were meant to end. Somewhat like the soap operas, the time for their use had ended. New things have taken their place. My stepping aside gave new people the chance to belong and step up. Because I couldn’t let go, I was not giving someone a chance to share their talents in a way they could.

Shemar Moore knew when it was time to let go, and he wasn’t selfish about it. He knows the show will go on without him. He won’t be replaced — he will be remembered — but someone else will fill his spot with an entirely different set of qualifications.

I have learned as I have aged. Are you a person who has to be in charge of everything and involved in everything? Are you doing it for the right reasons? Are you being fair and able to spread your time and shine at everything? Or are you finding yourself always one step behind in  the way you are leading? We need people to step up, volunteer and lead. But we need them to do it with their heart and to lead not by ownership, but by including and making room for others to share their gifts and ideas. It is a gift you can give yourself and others because it will be a gift from the heart.

 

Wells resident Julie Seedorf’s column appears every Monday. Send email to her at hermionyvidaliabooks@gmail.com. Her Facebook page is http://www.facebook.com/julie.