Things I Tell My Wife by Matt Knutson

“I think we should go read what that sign says,” I told my wife as we realized we were being recorded on our recent visit to the park. Like many other people there, we had come to the park to feed the geese and experience the beautiful weather on a rare, rain-free day. Gracelyn, our daughter, was loving the exposure to the greedy geese, ducks and dogs that surrounded us as we tossed out off-brand cheerios to the hungry animals. Spring had arrived, and with it, plenty of opportunities to get outside and enjoy nature.

This first expedition out didn’t exactly go off without a hitch. Few people like to be filmed by strangers, and even fewer like their children to be on camera, so when I noticed we were being recorded, I immediately began to feel uncomfortable. A woman, perhaps in her mid-30s, had her cell phone out and pointed directly at us, and then moved her shot downward toward the sign in front of her. When she saw my concerned face, she casually decided to continue her walk around the lake and there wasn’t much of a chance for us to catch up with her to figure out what just happened.

Then I read the sign. Apparently we weren’t supposed to be feeding the birds. A bit of guilt settled into my chest, as we were simply ignorant of the rule. Judging by the many others in the park doing the same thing, we weren’t the only ones unaware. In our defense, the sign was placed on the outskirts of the feeding area, only a small corner of it mentioned not feeding the birds, and it wasn’t something my family or likely any of the others would have passed on the way from the parking lot. Also, in our community, this has been the spot where people feed the birds for decades. I can confidently say that, as I vaguely recall being a small child myself and being bombarded with geese as I frantically tossed some old bread that my grandparents had given me at this very same park decades ago.

I immediately imagined our personal paparazzi posting the video online with a snarky comment about how we weren’t very good people. Maybe she did that, or maybe she encountered something joyful on her walk home and forgot about the angst my family likely gave her. Either way, I didn’t like the feeling it gave me. First, it’s not nice to film people, especially a child, without permission. Second, I’m a people pleaser and rule follower, so knowing I disappointed someone and broke the rules really bothered me. Even more though, I was perturbed that someone would potentially go through all that work to film us and likely shame us on social media to whoever may be in her network, but didn’t actually approach me to inform us of our infraction. That’s not cool.

If something bothers you enough to document it, I hope you’re bold enough to speak up about it. How else can things change? People need to do more advocating and less shaming. I get it — in 2017 it is a lot easier to catch someone doing something wrong and call them out publicly on social media. Advocating for what you believe in can be hard in the moment. But how else is anyone going to learn that what they were doing is not acceptable? My curious nature brought me over to the sign, but I’m sure most people wouldn’t have been so thoughtful. That park has people feeding the birds every day, and if anyone thinks that’s going to change, they’re going to need a lot more people having polite conversations instead of silent, judgmental filming.

We won’t be going back to the park with any food for the birds, but we will return and continue to enjoy the nature. Maybe one day on our walk around the lake we’ll encounter the woman who filmed us and be able to learn what she did with the video. I’m hopeful that eventually she’ll be brave enough to calmly confront the others feeding the birds since she seems so passionate about it. I know I’ll be working on doing the same for things I’m enthusiastic about.

Matt Knutson is a communications specialist in Rochester.