Tales From Exit 22 by Al Batt

 

  Dear Unnamed High School Class of 2018, family, friends, teachers and those who thought there would be food:

  I’m proud to be your commencement speaker today. For an excessive speaking fee, I’m here to tell you that you are amazing and that you should find the good in people, be grateful and work hard.

  You’ve earned this day, unless someone started a petition to get you out of school. Now when someone says you look like a high school graduate, you won’t have to look behind you. It will be a long time before you once again qualify for a senior discount. 

  We have a new normal. You are being abducted by adulthood. That means you’ll have a desire to have more than you’re willing or able to pay for. You’ll have moments of doubt that will last a lifetime, maybe longer.

  I know you are anxious to put a dent in the universe, but laugh when you get a chance. You will get a chance.

  It’s important to ask questions. It’s even more important to listen to the answers.

  Go overboard on things. A friend told me that her three favorite sports teams are the Minnesota Twins, the Minnesota Twins and the Minnesota Twins.

  Just because a car has the momentum doesn’t mean it has the right-of-way.

  Don’t go for a head fake.

  You’ll talk about the weather all the time, but it will still surprise you.

  A man, a great success financially, told me that he’d graduated third in his high school class. I was impressed until his wife said there had been only three in his class. Why was he at the bottom of the class? Because the other spots had been filled. Someone comes in last in every race. Someone graduates last in every class. What do you call someone who graduated at the bottom of his medical school class? Doctor.

  Each graduation speaker is required to quote others.

  Jimmy Buffet sang, “Now I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m a gonna go when the volcano blow.”

  More on that later.

  Charlie Munger, a partner of another Buffett, Warren, said, “Develop into a lifelong self-learner through voracious reading; cultivate curiosity and strive to become a little wiser every day. Go to bed smarter than when you woke up.”

  And the other Buffett, Warren, said, “When I was 16, I had just two things on my mind — girls and cars. I wasn’t very good with girls. So I thought about cars. I thought about girls, too, but I had more luck with cars. Let’s say that when I turned 16, a genie had appeared to me. And that genie said, ‘Warren, I’m going to give you the car of your choice. It’ll be here tomorrow morning with a big bow tied on it. Brand-new. And it’s all yours.’ Having heard all the genie stories, I would say, ‘What’s the catch?’ And the genie would answer, ‘There’s only one catch. This is the last car you’re ever going to getting in your life. So it’s got to last a lifetime.’ If that had happened, I would have picked out that car. But, can you imagine, knowing it had to last a lifetime, what I would do with it? I would read the manual about five times. I would always keep it garaged. If there was the least little dent or scratch, I’d have it fixed right away because I wouldn’t want it rusting. I would baby that car, because it would have to last a lifetime. That’s exactly the position you are in concerning your mind and body. You only get one mind and one body. And it’s got to last a lifetime. Now, it’s very easy to let them ride for many years. But if you don’t take care of that mind and that body, they’ll be a wreck forty years later, just like the car would be. It’s what you do right now, today, that determines how your mind and body will operate ten, twenty and thirty years from now.”

  Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

  Earl Nightingale said, “Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”

  Nearly everyone said, “Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. Sometimes it comes alone.”

Bob Perks said, “I wish you enough.“

  Al Batt said, “Too much rain makes for soggy spiders.”

  As to where you’ll go when the volcano blows–you’ll find a place.

Al Batt’s columns appear Wednesday and Saturday.