EN(dur)ANCE by Robin Gudal

 

I am sorry for your pain! These are words whispered off my lips to a friend, who lost her granddaughter to a stillborn death. No words are enough. Only hugs, love and prayers.

The purpose of this column is to celebrate life and to care about lives lost.

Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Studies reveal that anywhere from 10 to 25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage, most during the first 13 weeks. I had a miscarriage between my two biological children. It is hard.

There is a new term used these days; a rainbow baby. This is a child born when you have previously lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or death during infancy. I like this name as a rainbow is a sign of hope; Christ promised us that.

I had a parent tell me, “It’s not right, you aren’t supposed to bury your child before yourself.”

Jesus sees your sorrow.

Another friend’s husband told her soon after the death of their child, “No more crying.”

She shared this with me during a Bible study 20 years after their loss; and she had not cried since that day. I was sad for her and viewed her husband as insensitive. I have since changed my mind, I think he was grieving and her tears where too hard for him to see.

Death is such an odd thing. There is no rule book of how to navigate it well.

Your sorrow matters.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8, NIL

My daughter’s friend had to deliver one of her twins as stillborn at the sweet age of 30. It breaks my momma’s heart; gives me a tummy ache when I think about it. I reached out to her and asked what insight she had for others in her situation.

“I spoke with my husband and we both agreed that connecting with our church was most helpful for us. We did counsel with one of our pastors that was really helpful because it allowed us to think about things that we hadn’t before and gain a better understanding of how we each were grieving,” she said.

Grief.

There are things in life I do not understand; loss of a child is one.

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” Deuteronomy 29:29 NIV.

Tongue in cheek, I have this on my list when I meet Jesus to ask. Then I remember there is going to be streets of gold and all the majesty we can only imagine; likely I will not ask; I will be rejoicing instead!

Until that day I will lean into Revelation 21:4, NIV:  “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

My sympathy to all who have had a loss. 

Robin (Beckman) Gudal, intentional in life, is a wife, momma, nana, friend, and a flawed and imperfect follower of Jesus.