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Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

 

I kind of want a bigger house and a bigger yard. There is something wrong with my car — calipers or perhaps something is out of alignment. At least one of my children are going to need braces. When this lockdown is over, I want to take everyone to Harry Potter World, or Universe or whatever that cool Harry Potter place in Florida is called. Oh, I need to figure out Halloween costumes. I feel like now is the time of year I’m supposed to split my hostas — or is it too late, or early?

If you go look at my search history on my computer, you’ll find all of this and more. House hunting, car shopping, vacation planning, research on top of research. Then if you look at my daily life, you’ll find more crazy stuff. On Monday I got to work by 5:15 a.m. and didn’t get home from my second job till 7:30 p.m. On Tuesday I got to work at 8 a.m. but didn’t get home from my third job till after 11 p.m. By the time Wednesday rolled around, I threw in the towel.

There is this expression “for everything there is a season.” Ecclesiastes gets really into it. A time to plant, a time to harvest, a time to be born, a time to die — literally a time for everything. I think in today’s “go, go, go!” society, we try to make every day a season for everything. We try to get everything done no matter what. We forget that everything has a season and not everything has to or even should be done right now.

So here I am, with a full-time job for the first time in 10 years.

I’m working hard, making money and chasing goals. I’ve got a dream car, family vacation and a backyard sauna all picked out and waiting in an open tab on my phone. And yet I’m realizing that none of these things are what I need right now.

I have been trying so hard to get away — whether to a new home or car or just a vacation. I’ve been trying so hard to change my current situation because I’m tired of the one we as a world are in. There is no amount of house buying that is going to take the virus away. There is no magical car that is going to make my kids’ school go back to normal. There is no tropical beach that will allow me to go shopping in a store without a mask.

I know from experience that sometimes we just need to focus on ourselves.

It sounds selfish, but it’s not. We need to take a step back for a bit. After some reflection, these last few days I realize that I need to take a moment and do the minimum. Get my work done, don’t volunteer myself thin and sleep, nap and sleep some more.

Sleep and time with friends are my medicine. I’ve learned this from experience. As an extrovert I need to be around the people who fill my cup. However, as a mom, wife and awesome employee, I’ve also learned that sometimes I just need to be left alone in silence and rest. There is no shame in these things. My family, friends and co-workers all enjoy me better when I’ve had my “meds.”

So as much as I want to run away, start something new and just break free from our current situation, I know that what I really need is just to hit pause. Adding more to my life is only a distraction from what we are all going through. It’s OK to be bummed or sad or just over it. I don’t need to pretend that I’m fine with it. What I really need is a nap, so excuse me while I go back to bed for a bit.

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams.