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Live United by Erin Haag

I’ve come to the realization that developing a new program is like having a baby. You prepare for all the things, and you go into it knowing that it’s going to be incredibly hard but rewarding. There’s early mornings, late nights, and during the quiet moments, there’s the feeling of, “I should do the dishes so when I get up at 2 a.m. to get a bottle, we’re better prepared.” But then the bed or the shower calls our name, and we just let it go.

When people ask how it’s going, we take a deep breath, smile and say, “oh it’s going!” This part is a little bit important because I firmly believe there’s such a thing as toxic positivity. Especially with people that can help — it’s important to paint an accurate picture, so that people can help.

There’s also those moments of, “How can I help?” and sometimes the help is well meaning, but maybe not quite the right thing. Like the well meaning relative that thinks help is best by visiting everyday to “hold the baby” is helpful, when really, someone just needs to do the darn dishes.

There’s also the “parental” advice/brainstorming. Like if a mother wants to stay at home with her baby but the family finances can’t afford for that — sometimes well meaning visitors will give lots of suggestions for, “oh but if you do xyz” then you can save money and be able to stay home!” Usually the overtired mama is left defending their position, going deep into complex financial rationale of why it’s not going to work.

This is where it diverts a little bit from the parenting analogy though. Unlike parental decisions on how to raise this child, this is a community program that absolutely needs feedback, brainstorming and discussion. We want that. We’ve learned so much — your parents owned a grocery store and you’re going to teach us some grocery retail tips? Absolutely! We’re going to benefit from your experience.

I’m not going to lie though. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s about the timing of the advice. When someone tells me, “You should have “this” when we’re in the middle of the pantry and we’re trying to pause and take a deep breath and clear our minds so we can accurately assess the situation. Then we find ourselves having to explain that we’ve considered the issue, have decided on xyz because if we were to implement the suggested strategy there’s a rabbit hole. Sometimes the someone will then try to solve the rabbit hole, but I’m calling it a rabbit hole for a reason. In my line of work, there are a lot of rabbit holes. Talking about sustainability concerns, setting expectations and even budget constraints is when it’s 2 a.m. and the baby has stopped crying for 30 seconds — let’s just say it’s hard. Trying to maintain the relationship, while also maintaining some boundaries. As hard as it is though — the questions, comments, feedback and brainstorming is incredibly valuable. We could take the approach of asking people to put them in a comment box or call us later or email us — but we risk losing the moment. Sometimes we need to know what the questions are so we can realize what we’re not covering in our messaging.

Ultimately though, like any new parent finds — there’s those moments. Those moments of awe when you realize where you started and how far you’ve come. Yesterday, Nikolle and I dragged out a sign we had made in the early days of Pop Up Pantries during the pandemic. We wanted to re-purpose the sign into something else. We had a moment, looked at it and said, “oh yeah, remember that?” Then there’s the other moments when someone hand makes you a beautiful card, mails it to you and writes a thank you for providing this service, and compliments on the fresh produce, etc. Or when a shopper came in to shop yesterday and saw Nikolle and I and gave us both hugs. She told us we were doing good, and when I carried the last bag out to her car, she hugged me again. This was her second visit, and she told me she could see the difference and it’s getting better. The moment of when you make adjustments to how the process of checking in works — and the volunteer tells you that it works much better and exactly the way you had hoped it would. She’s my favorite right now.

While I’m trying to paint that complex picture of “it’s hard and it’s wonderful” that no parent has ever accurately expressed — I also want to take a moment and appreciate our volunteers. We might feel like gumby sometimes pulled in every which direction — but our volunteers … they show up early, they stay late. They do crash course trainings on how to register and check people in for shopping. They bring their retail experience, they bring their forklift driving experience (nope, we don’t have a forklift, but we do have an electric pallet jack!). They’re willing to break down cardboard boxes in a hot warehouse, or stand outside doing crowd control/answer questions. National Honor Society students come and carry groceries out and others keep the oranges and apples and asparagus stocked. We couldn’t do it without them.

One last parental awe moment — my Facebook page does a “Memory of the Day.” As I write this article, today’s memory is a picture of Nikolle, Heidi and I on our first opening day of the Welcome Pantry when we were in mobile distribution format at the armory. Like a milk drunk baby that smiles sweetly at you in the early morning hours, the universe has a way of reminding you where you came from and the promise of what is yet to come.

If you’d like to join us on this crazy journey of new parenthood, ahem, program development of the Welcome Pantry, give us a call at 507-373-8670. Many of our regular volunteers are settling into their chosen roles/dates but the need is ongoing. High needs are for volunteers that are able to carry groceries out to the car (I’m looking at you youth groups!) or to translate for Spanish and Karen languages. In the meantime, we’ll be over here Keeping Calm and Carrying On … Live United style.

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.