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Live United by Erin Haag

Today’s article is the third in the series of “What my children told me to write.” So far we’ve written about loving each other and trying new things. Today’s edition is about following the rules.

As the sun set on Thursday, I was walking up and down my driveway, admiring the sky, the breeze and listening to my chickens loudly scolding each and every little rustle of the leaves. As I walked, Nikolle and I were chatting, making a plan for our “catch up day.” Many see the work we do on site. They see the people lining up, the groceries being carried out, the winter gear drop boxes around town. What they don’t always see is the process it takes to get there. At the heart of everything, we’re about lowering the barriers for people to access resources they need. While that’s a lofty goal, it can quickly become a slippery slope. Sometimes it’s about ensuring we have enough resources. Sometimes it’s about the process to ensure that we’re equitable. Sometimes it’s more about the logistics of the flow of traffic, reducing wait times, protecting privacy as much as possible and ensuring that it’s a positive experience for everyone. There are many things that are “little things,” but can add up and become a very slippery slope. So much of what we do is a judgment call, and our discretionary judgment has been developed over time, through experience, through those late night phone conversations as I walk up and down my driveway.

Several have asked what my son did while the girls in the family were gone. He and his daddy went camping for the first time at the state park. Until now, he’s camped only in our backyard, so this was “the best experience.” My daughter was just fine with missing out on this because she doesn’t want to get eaten by a bear. As they set up camp, my son noted all the signs that talked about putting away your supplies and food so wildlife couldn’t access it. He made sure to remind his daddy several times, so before bed, they put things in the cab of the truck. All except the big Coleman cooler. My little man was very concerned about the rules and was very skeptical, but his daddy told him that the big cooler would be fine in the bed of the truck. Y’all see where this is going, don’t you?

In the middle of night, they heard noises, so they peeked out the tent window. They saw a few big, fat and angry raccoons hanging out in the truck. According to my husband, they clearly knew their way around a Coleman cooler. As the first bag of marshmallows were broken open, more raccoons came out of nowhere, until it was echoing a particular scene in the Lorax movie.

Marshmallows, graham crackers … hissing and barking raccoons and my husband and son just stood back to watch the show. My son has reminded us “I told him!” on a near daily basis since they got home.

Did my husband think he was breaking the rules? No, of course not. He truly thought that that particular cooler was tight enough against wildlife for a night of camping. He read the signs — or rather, our son read the signs out loud to him. He wasn’t ignoring them, assuming he could do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t intentional.

When I was a new driver, I got pulled over by a police officer. It was my first time being pulled over, and it happened to be on a very busy multi-lane highway. I was in the far-left lane. In my panic, I thought it would be safer to pull over on the left side, so the officer would be between the median and the fast moving traffic. I thought I would be in trouble if I went across multiple lanes of traffic to get to the right side, or move off the highway. In my inexperience, I didn’t know how to communicate to the officer that I wasn’t ignoring him, or trying to escape him. The officer was not happy with me. He yelled at me quite forcefully for pulling over on the left side, and left me in tears. He was just trying to pull me over because there was something hanging down from under my car and he was concerned about it. Turns out it was a tree branch that had gotten wedged up there. What should have been a simple and kind stop to ensure I was safe driving my car turned into a negative experience for me because I didn’t follow the rules.

I’m a firm believer in following the rules. Like anything else though, it’s important to not follow the rules in a vacuum. Grace and understanding of the barriers around those rules, how the rules are communicated and how they’re enforced. Some of our community members struggle with this, especially in our Welcome Pantry. The most common ones is, “Do they really need it?” or

“Aren’t they taking too much?” We’ve heard this consistently with programs throughout the years. I often tell people that it’s about education, redirection and not addressing every little infraction. If that police officer had explained to me what I did wrong, I would have remembered that as a positive experience, instead of a negative one. I tell our volunteers and community members that it’s about patterns. We look for overall patterns and trends, and we try to identify the gap. What’s going on that this person is consistently doing something “out of bounds.”

Often, a simple welcoming conversation is enough, and we learn that they didn’t see the signs. Or they forgot. Or they didn’t realize the signs change every single pantry. Or they don’t speak English. Or they do speak English and they just read the sign in a different way than we intended. We can enforce our rules without punishment, we can choose to understand the barriers that surround rules, and help guide our community members to ways that work for everyone while maintaining a positive experience.

As we move into the fall months, we’re looking for volunteers to help us with our various programs, join our board of directors, help plan our annual fundraiser event (Save the Date is coming soon!) and more. Tours of our place, hanging out with me or Rosemary at Safety Night in September, inviting us to come and speak at your service club or group, or leading a workplace campaign at your place of business. There are endless opportunities to enjoy being connected with us and be United in Purpose with us. Give us a call at 507-373-8670 or email at director@unitedwayfc.org. We’d love to have you join us.

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.