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Live United by Erin Haag

A quote attributed to Francis Schaeffer says, “Truth carries with it confrontation. Truth demands confrontation: loving confrontation, but confrontation, nevertheless. If our reflex action is always accommodation regardless of the centrality of the truth involved, there is something wrong.”

If you’re familiar with the quote, set aside any context you might be applying to this and just think about the words. Truth demands confrontation. I never realized what a rule follower I was until the last decade. I’m also known as a fairly strict mother, which I never thought that I would be. For what it’s worth though, my own kids don’t think I’m strict, and they feel loved and happy so I guess I’ll hang my hat on that. What I’m learning though, is how to hold to my truth — my professional truth and my personal truth and how to confront others to hold them to a higher standard.

Years ago, I had a roommate who was in a car accident. One day, she brought home a new laptop. Since she had been complaining about her finances, I was surprised. She told me that she listed the laptop as being in the car and destroyed in the accident, and insurance paid for a new laptop. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I must have questioned her or made a comment. She told me, “Who cares? It’s just a big company, they’ll never miss it. I work hard, I deserve this.” The whole thing made me very uncomfortable and made me lose respect for her. Between that and a couple of other incidents, I was looking for a new place to live — by myself — within a few months. If you’ve ever worked in the corporate world, I’m sure you know someone that thinks this way. “Oh, BigCorp won’t miss this pack of Sharpies, so I’ll take them home. I worked for an extra half hour for them, I deserve it.” These people would be horrified to be called a thief, but that’s what it is: stealing. While I’m a rule follower, I’m not a black and white person. I often see the nuances of things, and I recognize when a rule is not factoring in the human element. A person can have a mindset that they can break the rules, and still be a good person.

A large part of my role at United Way is following the rules. Integrity and accountability. There are some rules that I don’t like, but I can’t bend on — because I’m not taking on the federal government. Or maybe it’s a slippery slope factor. For sure I’m not going to budge on filing taxes or accounting for anything financial. When the rules are created by organizations other than United Way, and we’ve made an agreement to participate in the program, following their rules — you bet that I’m going to darn well do my best to adhere to the agreement. When it comes to rules that United Way has created — by the board, by myself, by my staff: I take a step back and look at the whole picture. Is it stealing? Is it common sense? A slippery slope? When was the rule created and why was it created? Is it still relevant, or does it need to be updated through the official channels? I don’t do this alone though.

This is what my board is for — to provide a sounding board, to help balance out any potential bias and look at the bigger picture. Sometimes it’s my current board members, but I’ve been known to call up a board member from years ago to ask them what they remember about a policy. I actively look for a devils’ advocate, someone who will show me a different perspective. I’m not looking for an echo chamber here, that’s a waste of everyone’s time. Major decisions aren’t made lightly, and I talk things through with multiple people. In learning how to lead and how to manage people, I’ve also come to realize that I can trust my judgment. I often am not far off the mark with my initial reaction, and the greatest value is in how to approach the situation and the confirmation/validation that I’m on the right path. I am so thankful for my board members and my trusted colleagues who provide that listening ear. I try as often as I can to provide that open door, to make sure that others know they can call on me for that listening ear as well.

Truth is — it’s HARD. Confrontation is hard. Life is messy, and it feels icky to talk to a good person — a good person with a good heart and let them know that their actions are breaking the rules, and they can’t do it anymore. It’s hard when they truly don’t recognize what the issue is, or understand it. It’s hard when you’re confronting as gently and lovingly as possible, but you know that there’s going to be a sense of embarrassment or shame.

Of course, this article is sure to conjure up visions of big drama happening behind closed doors. Nope, my team and I are steadily working along, delighting in the little joys in life like inhaling tacos and exhaling negativity, plans for a gummy bear taste testing and working to create change. While situations happen, this is more introspective, always looking at how to build a team of staff, board members and volunteers that hold themselves and each other accountable and to the highest standard of integrity. Our most vulnerable populations need us to do that—to build trusting, professional relationships that also hold the human aspect into consideration. As always, if you’d like to join us in building this place of integrity, please check out our website at unitedwayfc.org or call us at 507-373-8670 to learn how to volunteer or get involved.

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.