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Live United by Erin Haag

This week, we went plum crazy. (I’m sorry, I just had to get this joke in here somewhere). We received a very tall pallet and a half of crates of plums. We filled up our refrigerator, piled plums in buckets and started calling others to come and get some. As always, we went down our priority list. First, it’s the other food shelves. Then it’s our hot meal sites, St. John’s, YMCA, The Children’s Center, 4-H, Headstart and more. Trucks drove inside the building and pulled up to our backdoor as my awesome volunteers loaded up the crates. I received messages thanking us for thinking of their groups. It’s interesting how distributing food has turned into building relationships with other agencies, and that has given me an opportunity to advocate for them. Advocacy can be so simple, and so powerful. It’s something I see over and over not only in my professional life, but also in my personal life.

My little guy was not quite 2 years old when I realized how capable he was of using his voice. At a medical appointment, we walked down to the check-in desk, and I sat him down on the counter to check him in. Before I could say anything, he told her his first name and “Haag, H-A-A-G,” spelling it out automatically as he has heard me do. We were charmed of course, but I realized that I didn’t need to say a word. He listened and was ready to go when the technician called his name. From that day forward, he has been in charge of his own check-in, ordering food at a restaurant, etc. We taught his sister to do the same, her favorite thing being to call the library to request books be on hold for her.

Someone joked to me recently that my kids didn’t even need me to come with them anymore to their medical appointments. It was a joke — but to respond in a serious way, oh yes they do.

They absolutely do. My children have a voice, and they’re comfortable using it, comfortable talking with adults. The issue comes when their voice isn’t heard. It’s happened before, and it’s my job to advocate for them — to make sure their voice is heard.

A perfect example was a recent appointment my daughter was a little nervous about. We arrived a little early, so I used the restroom. They called my daughter back to the room to start the procedure. She asked to wait for me, and she was told no, they needed to get started. She went with them back to the room and asked them to wait for me before they started. She had questions, and the provider brushed her aside, with an attitude of, “it’s not going to change the outcome, so we just need to do it.” When I arrived a moment later, my daughter was already breathing fast and very upset. I asked for the procedure to be paused to let my daughter take a deep breath. The provider also brushed me aside, telling me that it didn’t hurt, it was just pressure. I told the provider, “I know, but I’m still asking for a moment,” physically placing my hand in front of my daughter to prevent the procedure from moving forward. Thankfully, she saw how serious I was, and paused. Also thankfully, that was all my daughter needed. She took a deep breath, squeezed my hand and then said, “OK, I’m ready.” Afterwards, my daughter filled me in on what happened before I got there. She wasn’t upset about the procedure, even though she didn’t like it and it was uncomfortable. She was upset because she used her voice, asking for her mom, and was told no. She was upset because she asked questions, and they weren’t answered. She was upset because she wasn’t treated as an equal, as a person with a voice. So we fixed it. We spoke with the coordinator, and had a different provider assigned to us for upcoming appointments. My daughter asked me to be her voice, so I explained the situation. Once she saw how easily a solution was presented, and how kind she was, she found her voice and took over the conversation. At the end, I circled back to her and asked her, “Do you feel like we resolved everything? Are there any other questions or things you’d like to talk about?” Nope, she was good. She just needed to have her voice heard. The thing about this type of advocacy is that it requires trust. It’s not just that she trusted me as her mama to be her voice. It’s also the trust that she developed when she realized someone was listening. That coordinator listened to my daughter and took her seriously. She’s earned my daughter’s trust, and they’ve developed a relationship that will serve her well in her future appointments at this office.

I talk about where I do well as an advocate, but sometimes I miss the mark. It’s usually in the case when I am silent, when I smooth things over, when I don’t ruffle feathers. This week, someone was in my office, speaking with me. In the past and in this conversation, I’ve been uncomfortable with how this person has blamed others, especially over those they have authority over. Later that week, I was with another colleague, and they shared with me the same experience, and how uncomfortable they felt with it. I now regret not speaking up in the moment. I found it tricky, because it’s not like I know if that person needs to be “blamed” or not. It wasn’t my place to choose sides. I felt like there was a pattern of being less than discrete, and those little comments and attitude had the power to be harmful to someone’s reputation. I’ve been pondering if I’m going to speak up now, or resolve for my next opportunity to be an advocate. Either way, I won’t let it happen again.

Working at United Way requires advocacy, in all of its forms, every single day. It’s as simple as thinking about what organizations to call when you’ve got a pallet of plums that you’d like to get out into the community. It’s about allowing a senior trying to maintain what independence they got to do things for themselves, and letting them know that you’re available if they need help.

It’s about providing support to colleagues, and building those relationships. If you’d like to join us in advocacy, please explore our website or give us a call at 507-373-8670. Opportunities abound with us!

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.