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Live United by Erin Haag

Like it or not, it’s back to school season! Kids, including mine, enjoyed a last splash at the city pool, despite the cooler weather. Rockets were launched with Community Education’s popular rocket model class, led by the beloved Mr. Fiscus. Back to school orientations and sports meetings and the endless stream of information coming through about All. The. Things.

At another point in my life, I was in Early Childhood Education. One of my favorite tools was the Conscious Discipline Model, which is a social-emotional tool and classroom management approach. While it’s got all the scientific background, the framework breaks it down so it’s effective in the classroom. There’s nothing worse than being given a bunch of data and rationalizations, but you don’t know how to implement it in a classroom with a bunch of 4-year-olds bouncing off the walls and hiding under the tables. The methodology uses a model of the “Brain State,” which outlines three hierarchical needs of the brain: safety, connection and problem solving.

The trainings take you into the classroom with example scripts and scenarios. One of the biggest ones that I used with my classroom, with my niece and nephew, with my own children was the classic arguing over a toy. Traditionally, you’d tell the child to share the toy, or even ask the child to give the other one the toy. After all, they need to learn to share, right? Wait though … as adults, we can’t just walk up and demand an item can we? Maybe we’re not done with it yet, or maybe that child only wants the toy because the first child had it? How is that reasonable? I learned how to help guide the kids in problem solving. Kiddo who wants the toy is encouraged to talk to the child who has the toy and ask, “When is it my turn?” The other child will hem and haw, and think about it but usually come up with, “4 minutes.” This is the part where I usually had to keep a straight face, and just let it play out, because the time usually surprised me. It was always either way too short, or way too long. A veteran teacher told me not to interfere with that, and just let it be. A timer would be set, and the kids would be told, “In four minutes, it’s their turn.” Both kids would go off. They’d solved their problem, and they had trust that I’d uphold the bargain. Every single time, when that timer would go off, the original toy would already be given to the requesting child, or the child playing would get up, and hand the toy over without prompting. Often it spurred the two children playing together, instead of battling for “ownership” of the toy, because they already established whose turn it was.

Back to school time is when teachers are refreshing their philosophy for the year. They’re probably not ready for summer to end, and overwhelmed with setting their classrooms up, juggling All. The. Things. from their own families, and the information overload. Veteran teachers have long ago adopted a framework for how they handle classroom management and social emotional skills. Many of those teachers and school professionals are posting on social media their thoughts about things, and many of them are my friends. One friend of mine posted about Conscious Discipline. Reminders that the first six weeks of school is time to focus on routines and rituals. Routines provide safety, and rituals build connections. When children feel safe (routines) and loved (rituals) then their focus can shift to the academic goals for the year.

My son is wrapping up his camp weeks at the Albert Lea YMCA. This week in the car, he told me he had to bring his swimsuit home and wash it. I asked why and he said he didn’t know. His sister said, “yeah, because it’s the last week.” I pointed out that no, that doesn’t make sense. They’d send it home on Friday, but not at the start of the week. My husband was driving, and he was a bit confused and we explained to him that the swimsuits get to stay at the Y and they usually wash the swimsuits and towels for the kids. I wondered if the washing machine broke, because I couldn’t think of another reason why sending home laundry made sense. My husband told me, “That is a fantastic idea! I didn’t know they did that! Whoever came up with that is genius!” Sadly, the washer is broken, but I’m grateful for the out-of-the-box thinking in making life a little bit easier for everyone. Such a little thing isn’t it? One load of laundry a day for the camp kids. No one is left out because they forgot their swimsuit. No hassling kids/parents back and forth. It’s a routine that is built into the program that is the ultimate busy parent hack, and reduces barriers. It’s one less thing.

Safety. Connection. Problem solving. As I’ve been seeing these teacher friends remind themselves and each other of the foundations to start their school year right, I realize that these carry over into the work of human services. It’s with our stakeholders, our shoppers, our volunteers, my team. People need to feel safe — to build routines. I gave a tour to two new volunteers this week, and I talked about what we consistently try to have available, and what might change. These routines give people a feeling of safety. When they feel safe, they’re able to build connections.

When they build connections, they’re able to engage with us more, ask for other resources and trust we’ll guide them to the best of our ability. I’m reminded over and over that our appointment-based system brought people a sense of routine, a sense of calmness to the shopping experience, which allows more time for connection.

This fall, we’ll keep working on reducing those barriers, building those routines and fostering connection. If you’d like to join us, give us a call at 507-373-8670 or visit our website at unitedwayfc.org. If you’ve got a spare washer, maybe give the YMCA a call. Encourage our teachers and school professionals by giving them an encouraging note that they can read on their own time and maybe some extra school supplies or a coffee card. For the children in your own lives, extra snuggles, feed them and put them to bed. They’re tired and hungry, right along with the grownups.

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.