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Live United by Erin Haag

Hot Friday nights on fair week have somehow become a tradition in my family, along with our family friends. Three years ago, my son braved the Ring of Fire alone, when the other three kids changed their minds at the last minute. Last year, his good friend was heartbroken. She wasn’t tall enough to ride with him, and he decided not to ride in solidarity. This year, his friend arrived at the fairgrounds, and the first order to business was to go to the measuring stick to check. Finally! She was tall enough, and the two daredevils rode the Ring of Fire. When he was 7, he declared that the Ring of Fire was horrifying. At 9, he loves it and has discovered his inner daredevil is bigger than we realized. Saturday found us back at the rides as we waited for his sister to finish her volunteering commitment. We ran into some friends, and my friend mentioned her daughter had been looking for someone to ride the Zipper with her. My son was excited, and the two of them proceeded to be daredevil buddies and ride all the rides that no one else wanted to go on. My son told me, “I like the crazy rides, but only when I have a friend with me.”
Me too, buddy. Me too. Work is a crazy ride, and it’s best when you have a friend with you.

This week I had a conversation that left me feeling emotionally raw. It wasn’t the subject of the conversation, it was the understanding that the other person’s memory issues are much more significant than I had previously realized. It’s more than getting mixed up on days and times, and is forgetting common words, and feeling frustrated that they weren’t told things that would help them understand what to do. I navigated that conversation, focusing on the subject, and not what I was realizing. I need some time to process that. I spoke to someone else, and they told me they had encouraged that person to speak with me. They mentioned how they watch carefully. I asked for more information and realized that the memory issues were common knowledge. Apparently there has been an unspoken pact to keep that person engaged and supported. My heart broke again, realizing the goodness of others in making sure one of ours is included.

Afterwards, I told Rosemary I was going to the storeroom, and I needed a few minutes to decompress. I went and sorted through some old supplies and happened across a reusable shopping bag that one of our volunteers had made. She made it out of leather patches and upholstery fabric, so it was a large, sturdy bag. I set it aside to take with me up front. Then I got a phone call from someone that I had asked to call for some mentoring advice on a different situation.

Since it was a very private situation, I decided to head outside into the sunshine and use my “car office.” My friend and professional colleague listened to another emotional situation I was dealing with and helped me determine my approach to a hard conversation. As we spoke, the children at Headstart were playing on the playground. They lined up at their fence and waved at me. I waved back, feeling a little less raw at the sight of sweet kiddos, waving to the world. My colleague helped me determine the best approach, and I headed back inside as volunteers were arriving and the work to open up the pantry began.

I went back to my cart of things that needed to be out of the storeroom and into other places. I picked up the reusable bag, and decided to take it into the pantry for a shopper to use. On my way through the waiting room, a shopper greeted me. I smiled and we chatted a moment. I’m always amazed when she reaches out to me. I’ve written about her before. She used to come to shop, finding a wall and crouching down, with a very stoic face, head down, not interacting with anyone. The first time she shopped with an appointment, I met her coming down the ramp with her groceries and her face was joyful, telling me, “this new appointment system is fantastic! I’m in and out in 15 minutes!” Since then, I’ve never seen her stoic again — she’s bright and funny and engaging.

She admired the bag, commenting on the beauty of it. I offered it to her to keep, and her face was incredulous. I assured her that she found it beautiful and useful, so it was meant for her. She loved the fabric and the leather patches, and thought it looked so sturdy. She told me, “it’s not like these cheapo bags, the ones where you put a box in and the corners will tear right through it.

You could put a knife in the bottom of this bag and it wouldn’t poke through!” She turned it inside out and examined the construction and talked about how smart the creator was to use upholstery fabric. She told me I had made her whole day. I assured her that she had made mine.

Life is better with friends. Colleagues that provide a listening ear and mentorship, children lined up along a fence waving. Friends from early childhood that are now tall enough to ride the daredevil rides with you, and office friends that keep stashes of gummy bears for you. I think about some of our volunteers, some that are widowed. Sometimes they’ll comment, “sure I’m available, I don’t have anything better to do.” They come to our office for a sense of community, a sense of purpose, a sense of friendship. We all enjoy the friendship of the shopper that brings her baby, and we talk about how big that baby’s getting. There’s worry when a senior shopper hasn’t been in for a while, and relief when I confirm that it’s just a different schedule, that they’re still coming to shop.

Even on days when I feel I’m on the emotional version of the Ring of Fire, I can slow down enough to appreciate the fact that I’m riding with friends. As always, if you’d like to join our friendship circle, we are actively looking for volunteers for both the Welcome Pantry and upcoming fall programs like the Winter Gear Drive. Give us a call at 507-373-8670 or visit our website at unitedwayfc.org

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.