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Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

As someone who naturally wants to help and connect with others, I’ve found myself, more often than I’d like to admit, lowering my standards to meet people where they’re at. It feels kind and compassionate in the moment — after all, life is messy, and we’re all just trying to get through it. But there’s a fine line between meeting people where they are and settling in their comfort zone at your expense.

We all have personal standards, whether it’s how we treat others, the effort we put into our work or the energy we bring into relationships. These standards are a reflection of our values and the vision we have for our lives. Yet, when we’re constantly adjusting to accommodate someone else, it can leave us feeling frustrated, drained or even resentful.

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself at work, in friendships and even with family. Sometimes, I’ll go out of my way to make excuses for someone’s behavior or do extra work to cover for someone else. While there’s grace in being understanding, I’ve realized that expecting people to rise up to the standards we set can be a gift — not just to ourselves, but to them, too.

It reminds me of a quote I came across recently: “You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” Sure, it’s dramatic, but isn’t that exactly what we do when we compromise our values too often? By lowering the bar, we’re not only dimming our own light, but we might also be robbing others of the opportunity to grow and rise to their potential.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being empathetic or accommodating. But it does mean I’m learning to balance compassion with accountability. For example, instead of jumping in to fix everything, I’ll ask, “What do you think the next step should be?” or “How can I support you in meeting this expectation?” It’s amazing how people will rise to the occasion when given the chance.

And let’s be honest, sometimes lowering our standards is the path of least resistance. It’s easier in the moment to just do the thing or let it slide than to have a difficult conversation. But I’ve learned that the temporary discomfort of expecting more is worth the long-term respect and growth it fosters.

So, here’s my reminder to myself (and maybe to you, too): it’s OK to meet people where they are, but don’t stay there. Encourage them to rise. Keep your standards as a guidepost — not just for your own integrity, but as a quiet challenge for others to grow alongside you.

Because when we hold space for others to rise, we all stand a little taller.

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams. Her column appears every Saturday.