By Al Batt, Tribune columnist

People tell me that I’m gullible.

I believe them.

I have to believe them. I sometimes believe the weather reports.

I know that much of it is fiction, but I am more than just a fair weather friend.

I talk about the weather. Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

How many times have we heard that?

Now I am not one who is prone to criticizing others.

Being a human, I have made so many mistakes that it is nearly impossible for me to find fault with another.

However, I have been right once before, so I feel that I am qualified to pick on the weather bureau folks a little.

I have a meteorologist in the family.

Well, I did have one in the family.

We voted him off the family tree last year.

He was making the family politicians look good.

The weather bureau is 100 percent correct &045; at telling us what happened last year.

The weather doesn’t always agree with us.

Why should it agree with a meteorologist?

Weather is one of the few things that affect us all.

I know people who tape The Weather Channel.

The weather reports are supposed to tell us what we don’t know.

They are supposed to tell us what we couldn’t learn by looking out a window or by stepping outside.

They are supposed to tell us what is going to happen, but they are only guessing.

I want to know what the weather is going to be.

Americans feel that we are entitled to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and to know what the weather is going to be.

I need to know what the weather will be so I’ll know whether or not I should put rocks in my pockets to keep from being blown away.

I need to know if zucchini-sized hailstones are on the way.

I need to know what the dew point is pointing at. I need to know if my snow tires are in danger of melting. I need to know whether I should be asking people, &uot;Cold enough for you?&uot; or &uot;Hot enough for you?&uot;

I know that someone will ask me one of those questions.

If I haven’t heard a weather report, I’m stuck for an answer.

There is no more popular topic of conversation than the weather.

Weather forecasters sometimes figure out the easier ones.

It’s going to rain in Seattle.

It’s going to be cold in Embarrass.

It’s going to snow in Buffalo.

It’s going to be dry in Death Valley.

Sometimes weather maps are just optical illusions.

The more data forecasters accumulate, the more room there is for error.

Remember, there is no such thing as bad weather.

There are only bad weather forecasts.

Also remember that if you spell &uot;weather forecast&uot; backwards, you don’t get &uot;always correct.&uot;

I believe that there are black holes in weather forecasting.

These are areas of confusion that are so dense that true information cannot escape from them.

The holes never disappear.

We learn to ignore them.

Weather plays favorites.

It rains on one family’s picnic, but the sun shines on another’s picnic.

Life is unfair.

The stock market, pro athlete’s salaries, your boss, the lottery, the bathroom scale, the success of your brother-in-law and the weather are all unfair.

The Old Farmer’s Almanac has been forecasting the weather for over 200 years.

Its methodology uses a formula devised by its founder, Robert B. Thomas, in 1792.

He believed that sunspots influence the weather on Earth.

To solar science, he added climatology, the study of prevailing weather patterns, and meteorology, the study of the atmosphere.

This combination is used to predict weather trends and events.

The Old Farmer’s Almanac claims an 80 percent accuracy rate.

Those who look regularly inspect woolly bear caterpillars also claim an 80 percent accuracy rate.

According to legend, the wider the middle brown section, the milder the winter will be.

A narrow brown band on the woolly worm predicts a harsh winter.

Anyone with the IQ of a gerbil has a conspiracy theory regarding weather forecasting.

Me, I try to act surprised by whatever the weather is.

Warm fronts, cold fronts, lukewarm fronts, indecisive fronts…it’s all a surprise to me.

I’m a guy.

When there is a tornado about, I have to look outside to see if I can spot it.

The rest of the family cowers, intelligently, in the basement.

I have to experience weather.

I’m a guy.

I figure, whether it’s right or wrong, I might as well enjoy the weather.

(Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear Wednesdays and Sundays in the Albert Lea Tribune.)