I get so many wonderful questions from readers. I try to answer them all.

&uot;Is there an echo in Hartland?&uot; Yes. Yell at the bank corner and sooner or later, you will hear the echo.

It will sound like this, &uot;Shut up!&uot;

&uot;Do you consider yourself intelligent?&uot; I am the world’s leading expert on my opinion.

&uot;How did Hartland get its name?&uot; From the water tower.

&uot;Why do some people take milk baths?&uot; Because cows aren’t tall enough to offer milk showers.

&uot;Why do you spend so much time hanging around the courthouse?&uot; I like being near my money.

&uot;I used to go to the circus when I was a kid. Why would anyone put his head in a lion’s mouth?&uot; He probably had a choice of either doing that or watching daytime TV.

&uot;Do you think that travel is safe?&uot; Sure, as long as you avoid risky areas such as the Middle East, Asia, Africa, Europe, Mexico, South America, Central America, Canada, New York, Miami and Los Angeles.

&uot;I often see you in the Village Inn. Do you live there?&uot; No. I once read the &uot;Employees must wash hands&uot; sign in the restroom at the cafe and I’m waiting for them to wash my hands for me.

&uot;Your wife is considerably shorter than you are, correct?&uot; Yes, I believe that it is better to love a short woman than not a tall.

&uot;Is it okay to use wood that has just been rained upon in my fireplace?&uot; No, not if it is dripping wet. You should always let weeping logs dry.

&uot;What would you change if you could change just one thing in your life?&uot; My underwear.

&uot;Do you ever go to yard sales?&uot; I went to one once. I liked the yard that was for sale, but it was covered with a bunch of junk.

&uot;How can we put an end to all of the graffiti in the restrooms?&uot; Do like I did and sign a partition.

&uot;Does your wife give you a hot breakfast each morning?&uot; Sort of. Just last week, she set my cornflakes on fire.

&uot;Do you have any tips for airline travel?&uot; Spend the extra money and get a seat inside the airplane.

&uot;Why don’t you golf?&uot; To me, golf is like a dog throwing its own stick to fetch.

&uot;What kind of rocks would I find on the bottom of a lake in this area?&uot; Wet ones.

&uot;What is the quickest way to double my money?&uot; Fold it over onto itself and put it back into your pocket.

&uot;What causes dust?&uot; Janitors.

&uot;I think we might be related. Do you have enough relatives?&uot; No. I am seriously lacking in the rich relative department.

&uot;Is your dog really a Belgian Airhead?&uot; Not really. She’s a Borderline Collie.

&uot;What was the best thing about the good old days?&uot; Only the days were old.

&uot;Did your parents ever spank you?&uot; No, they didn’t believe in spanking. Whenever I misbehaved, my mother would let me lick the toaster.

&uot;Were you a good basketball player?&uot; Was I? One of my coaches said that I was the best player he had ever seen when it came to free throw defense.

&uot;Why do you like gardening so much?&uot; It’s the only way that people will approve of a grown man soiling himself.

&uot;Did you hear that they took the word ‘gullible’ out of the dictionary?&uot; I am not going to look to see if this is true.

&uot;Did your teachers like you?&uot; Yes, they did. I think one of my grade-school teachers wanted to adopt me.

I once overheard her talking about me. She said, &uot;I wish he were my child for just one day.&uot;

&uot;Do you have family reunions?&uot; Do we ever! It is featured each year on an episode of &uot;Cops.&uot;

&uot;Why is the dog a man’s best friend and not a woman’s?&uot; Dogs are man’s best friends because men want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they already have men.

&uot;Why are there two senators for each state?&uot; Somebody has to be the designated driver.

&uot;How do I go about starting a small business?&uot; It’s simple. Buy a big business and then wait.

&uot;Have you and your wife ever had a difference of opinion?&uot; Yes, but she didn’t know it.

&uot;Do you ever give your wife roses?&uot; No, I usually give her whatever kind of flowers it was that she had told me to water while she was gone.

(Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear Wednesdays and Sundays in the Tribune.)