I was lost, but refused to acknowledge it.

I was walking the corridor of a large hospital complex when I encountered a woman who appeared to be pregnant. A man’s survival instinct doesn’t allow him to think a woman is pregnant unless that woman has told him.

She was wearing a shirt that read, “I grow people. What’s your superpower?”

Every man and boy has considered what superpower he might like. I recall sitting in the barbershop in Hartland. It was the town’s library. It was there where I read the comic book exploits of Superman and Batman. Batman was my favorite, even though he had no superpowers other than being rich. The superpowers endowed upon other superheroes were super varied.

The Incredible Hulk and the Thing (It’s clobberin’ time!) possessed amazing strength. They could open a jar without breaking a sweat.

The Human Torch controlled fire and heat. That’d be handy during winter. It could cut my heat bill to a size that, with only a small loan required, would be possible to pay, but there is global warming to consider.

The Flash had super-speed. He could have been a great Vikings running back, but he was a fumbler.

The Shadow had the ability “to cloud men’s minds” allowing him to effectively become invisible. Many hitchhikers have that ability. Being invisible would get you into ballgames and concerts free, but you’d be just a regular person that nobody could see. There isn’t much reason for seeing some things if no one could see you seeing them. The Shadow is famous for saying, “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!” Big deal. So does anyone who pays attention to the news.

The Ant-Man could shrink faster than Jenny Craig. He became wealthy in the pest extermination business.

The Green Lantern wielded a power ring that would allow him to accomplish anything within his imagination and willpower. The Green Arrow fired cunning arrows.

Aquaman was able to breathe underwater, make a great tuna sandwich, and talk to fish like an understanding ice fisherman.

Spider-Man acquired his superpowers the usual way. He was bitten by a radioactive spider while on a school trip. He gained the ability to cling to walls, possess great agility, a sixth sense (spider sense) and could shoot webs from his wrists. He still had a pimple on his nose on prom night.

Wonder Woman had a magic lasso. There were a couple of TV heroines worth mentioning. Samantha on “Bewitched” could turn someone into a newt with a twitch of her nose. Telemarketers called her only once. The star of “I Dream of Jeannie” mesmerized teenage boys simply by wearing her harem outfit.

The Meteorologist had the ability to give incorrect weather forecasts. The Economist had the capacity to confuse. The Congressman was able to have better health insurance than were normal taxpayers. Salad Shooter had the ability to generate shredded lettuce.

Superman had a plethora of superpowers. The Man of Steel was faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. He had super-strength, flight capability, super-speed, X-ray vision, super-hearing, super-breath and the facility to yank out a nose hair without wincing. The X-ray vision caused Lois Lane to file a restraining order against him. Clark Kent quit his job as a mild-mannered reporter and now works in airport security.

Who hasn’t wished for a superpower? I read a survey that said that most Americans would choose the ability to read minds. Why would a man want to know what others think of him? He would find out that people seldom think of him and when they do, they don’t think much of him. A marriage that survived a year would be a miracle.

Who, while sitting around watching TV, has not wished he could change the channel with his mind after the TV remote had gone AWOL?

When I was a boy, my friends and I had deep philosophical discussions as to what superpower was the most desired. Whether having the Midas touch (no, not turning everything into a muffler) would be good if everything you touched turned into lutefisk. If it would be worth having the power to open a greasy ketchup packet if you had to first be bitten by a radioactive spider. We decided super-intelligence was not a good idea. Life was rough for smart kids in school. Wedgies. Need I say more? Lex Luthor was a genius, but he never got on the cover of Time magazine or even Cracked magazine.

The greatest superpower I’ve encountered was my mother’s faculty for transforming pitiful leftovers into grand dining. Superduper!

Mothers are superheroes.

Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear every Sunday and Wednesday.