Julie Seedorf, Something About Nothing

The posting on Facebook said this: ______________ is finding out you shouldn’t let old people wander around in a corn maze … if anyone finds my parents, call me … I left out my son’s name at the beginning because I don’t want to tell the world who posted that on Facebook. Whoops I think I just did.

That is revenge for his calling his parents old and telling all his friends that his dad and I were lost in the corn field. Actually it was a corn maze. So it wasn’t as dire as a corn field.

Our trips to Iowa always seem to have a little flair and excitement. We woke up that beautiful Saturday morning to a giant inflatable Viking standing in my son’s lawn. Even in Iowa he is a diehard Vikings fan and is proud to announce that to his Iowa neighbors.

After paying homage to the Viking in the yard we trekked to a nearby apple orchard for a day of hayrides, corn pools, pumpkin picking, games and the corn maze. Did I mention it was also 95 degrees that day?

In my old age (I might as well own it; I am kind of old) I have been having a problem with heat. I do not sweat and my face just gets redder and redder and the wavy lines sometimes start shimmering before my eyes if I am in the heat too long. I usually try and stay out of excessive heat, but I didn’t want to miss out on the fun.

Entering the corn maze was exciting. My grandkids were exited. Their mom and dad were leading. We weaved in and out and followed the paths looking for the symbols. Halfway through the maze I knew I had to go back. This is where the problem started. I had an idea of the right path. I was going to go it alone, but then my better half decided he needed to help me. Then my 5-year-old grandson decided he wanted to stay with grandma.

We started out. This is where the problem escalated. The path I thought we should take was different from the path my better half thought we should take. Have you ever tried to not have a disagreement in a corn field brimming with other people who also could not find their way out of the corn maze? You are hot and wavy lines are passing across your eyes and the other person is not listening and you want to vent. There was steam venting off the top our heads. You would have thought our kids would have been able to find us from the steam rising out of the corn field as tempers were ready to flare. Of course the kids didn’t have time to look for us; they were too busy posting on Facebook.

My grandson was great. He trekked along thinking the journey was exciting, only commenting, “I don’t think we are ever going to get out of here,” just before we walked out of the corn field into the waiting jokes of our kids. Had we followed them, we would have found our way out sooner.

I learned many lessons in that corn field that day. The follower is only as good as the leader. When you can’t agree on a direction, ask for help. If you can’t take the heat, don’t go into the kitchen.

The corn maze made me think about our journey through life. So many times we are lost. We can’t find our way. We lose direction. Every way we seem to turn is a dead end. We go around in circles over and over again when confronting a problem. We don’t ask for help, and we can’t admit we are wrong, so we stay stuck in a situation.

While wandering in the corn maze, we probably would have found our way out easier if we would have stayed calm with each other and asked for help from someone who actually knew where the entrance was. Although, there were many people just like us. Once we started talking to those people, we didn’t feel so alone. We formed a group and a young man that we found led us out. As a side note, it wasn’t just us “old people” who were lost.

When we are stuck in our life, hitting dead ends and running in circles, we need to remember there are others just like us. We need to ask for help. Someone else might have a clearer vision to a better path for our life. If we are in a confused state, we do not always know what is best for us.

My tips for us “old people” before they go into a corn maze are: Take a big ball of twine and attach it to a corn stalk at the beginning of the path. Unroll it as you go. Make sure you have blocked your adult children from using Facebook while you are in the maze. Make friends with the people ahead of you and behind you. They can then carry you if the excitement from the corn maze is too much.

Take food and water with you in case someone cuts the string and you do get lost. Use a tall walking stick that you can attach to a white flag that you can wave. Make sure it is long enough so that it will stick high out of the corn field in case your children actually want to find you. In case you do not make it out by dark, attach a light to the end of the walking stick so you can signal an SOS. And if all else fails, start yelling “Fire!” No one wants a fire in a cornfield so the rescue would be quick.

Oh, and the umbrella that I forgot to tell you to take to protect you from the sun would protect you from the water from the firefighters’ hoses.

Wells resident Julie Seedorf’s column appears every Monday. Send e-mail to her at thecolumn@bevcomm.net. Her blog is paringdown.wordpress.com. Listen to KBEW AM radio 1:30 p.m. Sundays for “Something About Nothing.”