Angie Barker, Entertain Me

At the Barker household there is one statement that sends shivers of dread racing down my spine: “Call of Duty.”

If you just asked yourself, “Eh, what’s ‘Call of Duty’?” then I envy you with every fiber of my being and offer this alternative of understanding: Golf and hunting season. The difference being those husbands married to a fairway or tree stand are forced to desist by Mother Nature for part of the year. I can claim no such ally. Gaming is a 24/7/365 beast of torment. Abandon all hope ye who pre-order.

“Call of Duty” is a first-person (and occasionally third-person) shooter game. The main series has over eight games. Half are set during World War II and the rest are modern-day or Cold War. It is a multi-billion-dollar franchise.

My decent into the “COD” world was gradual. It started with my husband playing a game or two a night. That night turned into multiples nights per week. Those one or two games turned into hours. Patience is not in Sam’s Club big box supply with me. I quickly got tired of being ignored and having my TV hijacked. So I decided to run an experiment.

Phase 1: Establishing a control. Reading quietly, bedtime at 11 p.m., kissing husband goodnight.

Phase 2: Slight decline in interaction. Reading quietly, bedtime at 10 p.m., saying good night to husband without contact.

Phase 3: Drastic decline in interaction. Occupy other room of the house, pop head in to announce my going to bed.

Phase 4: He had better notice I’ve stopped talking to him or else!

Phase 5: Stop experiment. Seriously, I was one phase away from sitting silently in the middle of the backyard at full dark. And I actually think he was getting happier as the phases progressed. “Call of Duty” had officially stolen my husband.

On Nov. 8 at midnight the newest version, “Call of Duty: Black Ops,” was released. I watched as my husband showered, got dressed, put on cologne and left the house at 11:15 p.m. to get in line for the midnight release. He’s a candlelit dinner away from dating it.

It’s not all bad though. I get a lot of reading done, and I got a column out of it. (Writer’s note: Those are Josh’s arguments.) In reality there is a nonprofit organization, Call of Duty Endowment (CODE), that aids veterans in the transition to civilian careers after service. CODE uses its resources to assist with veteran training and helps raise awareness on the unemployment issue. That’s impressive and an argument I can get behind. Just don’t tell my husband.

Albert Lea resident Angie Zoller Barker’s column appears every Monday in the Albert Lea Tribune. Email questions, recommendations, or comments to entertainmecolumn@gmail.com.