Column: Angie Barker, Entertain Me

(Introduced in my first column, their return was prophesied and inevitable. As promised, Jill Sundblad, Jen Zoller, and Amanda Lester join me for this week’s Entertain Me.)

Angie: I’m bored. Let’s play the island game.

Jill: I don’t know what that is.

Jen: You don’t want to know … she’s been making me play this game for the last seven years.

Mandy: You’re crazy! I love this game. Jen doesn’t like it because she picks the same guy every time so it’s boring for her.

Jill: Would one of you tell me what it is?

Angie: We take turns picking someone to bring with us on a deserted island, and then we have to defend our reasons for the pick. The other island members can veto the choice if our logic is found to be lacking.

Jill: So, our picks end up being resources for survival. Fun! I know who I’m picking: Edward Cullen.

Angie: Uh-oh…

Mandy: Yeah, that might not work.

Jen: What’s wrong with Cullen?

Angie: Mands and I have debated the vampire on an island topic extensively and despite their strength, speed and ability to catch protein, their only source of food still remains blood.

Mandy: While their contributions have almost unlimited potential, it doesn’t balance the fact that he will eventually eat us.

Jill: He’s a vegetarian. No humans.

Angie: No humans when he has other food sources. Do you want to be on an island with large prey? Sorry, but the island is a happy utopia with very small animals. The cute and fluffy kind only.

Jill: He can run on water so he will just go off the island to eat.

Jen: The point of the game is to be stuck on an island with hot guys who can’t escape.

Jen, Angie, Mandy: Veto!

Mandy: I pick MacGyver, circa 1987.

Jill: Nice, he can make bombs out of coconuts.

Mandy: Actually, he would make paperclips out of coconuts and then make the bombs out of the paperclips.

Angie: You are bringing bombs to the island?

Mandy: Not for evil, just in case we need to do any light mining.

Jen: For diamonds?

Jill: Coal might be more useful.

Angie: What about for food?

Mandy: What food do you mine for?

Angie: Uh, potatoes.

Jen: That’s called digging, and I vote yes for MacGyver.

Angie, Jill: Agreed.

Jen: I’m picking my old standby, Matthew McConaughey.

Mandy: I think that’s a good choice because he seems to require less clothing than most humans. In.

Angie: More for everyone else then … you must always consider resources. And he improves the look of the beach. In.

Jill: And is musically inclined. In.

Angie: I will choose …

Jen: Not Jon Stewart!

Mandy: Or Brett Favre!

Angie: You guys are killing me. I’m supposed to go third-round draft pick right off the bat.

Jill: I think a comedian would be kind of nice to have around. Never underestimate the importance of laughter.

Angie: Thanks, Jill! I’m changing my Edward vote to a yes and vetoing Amanda and Jen off the island.

Mandy, Jen: Hey!

Jill: You can get kicked off the island? This game is brutal.

Angie: It’s all about survival.

Jill: I have one more question: Can we keep McConaughey?

Albert Lea resident Angie Zoller Barker’s column appears every Monday in the Albert Lea Tribune. E-mail questions, recommendations, or comments to entertainmecolumn@gmail.com.