Live United by Ann Austin

I am part of a group called Choose Civility Freeborn County. Our goal is to help everyone understand the power of words and ultimately create a kinder, more civil community.

Cofounder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project, P.M. Forni writes in his book “Choosing Civility:” One thing we can do is act upon the realization that the quality of our lives depends upon our ability to relate and connect. Harmonious and caring relationships foster a happy life. In order to build such relationships, we need the respect, consideration, and kindness that we easily grant to and receive from our fellow humans when we are civil.

We can choose to be civil with the words we use. We can affect great change if we are careful to use words that build up rather than break down (positive vs. negative connotations).

One example of this is simply using “please” and “thank you” in everyday conversations. We teach our children to use these words, but can forget to use them ourselves when we get out in to the world.

Why do we say “please” and “thank you?” These are social conventions that arose over time, so there must be intrinsic value to them. Some of the reasons I have found include:

A sincere gesture to acknowledge another’s positive actions

It shows that you are grateful to people for the kindness they’ve shown

It’s a respectful attitude of goodwill and kindness done without obligation

A sign of being humble towards another

To ask for and accept help is acknowledging our part in a larger community.

“Please” and “thank you” is modeled at local preschool programs such as The Children’s Center where my daughter attends. She has been saying “do-do” which is her version of “thank you” since she was able to speak. This is because it has been modeled at home as well as The Children’s Center. It always makes us smile and she is happy that she’s able to communicate a common expression.

As parents, our role is to be a good model for our children, but it is as important for our children to see this model in other places in our community. Our children are our future — if we want to see a world where the social graces continue, we need to be intentional with using them throughout daily interactions — at work, at convenience stores, on the phone, any place we come in contact with another.

Taking a few extra minutes to be civil to others will help affect positive interactions in the future.

Our actions and our words directly affect the lives of those around us. Words do hurt and cause more harm than people realize. Let’s all choose civility and monitor the words we use.

Here are some “please” and “thank you” reminders:

Say “thank you” to the bagger at your grocery store

Remember to say “please” when you order something to eat (and give a reasonable tip if the service was good)

Tell someone you see to “have a nice day”

If someone tells you “thank you,” acknowledge it by simply saying “you’re welcome”

Remember to be a role model for your children. Say “please” and “thank you” often to people you interact with

Say “thank you” to your children for doing their chores or helping out, or simply by doing an act of kindness

A few simple acts of kindness can make all the difference in the world. Thank you for choosing civility!

 

Albert Lea resident Ann Austin is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.