The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

My friend is constantly airing her grievances on social media sites. I’m embarrassed for her and know it’s affected her relationships in a negative way. How do I encourage her to stop without becoming the next target for her negative comments?

— Online Ordeal

 

Dear Ordeal,

With the advent of greater access to communication channels, it is easy to vent any time we feel like it, and it certainly feels good at the time. Yet a “cooling off period” is always a good idea before expressing our frustrations to others or the party involved.

Unfortunately social media doesn’t have a function to block posts that may be inappropriate or cause greater harm than we intend them to.

Does your friend enjoy the drama she is creating? Does she realize the impact of her comments? If you hear yourself silently saying “yes” to either of these questions, then there really isn’t anything you can do.

There are people who will vent and respond in frustration to whoever will listen, and this is really what is happening on the social media sites such as Facebook. She is trying to find someone to agree with her side, which certainly isn’t a constructive way to resolve the issue. I would argue that venting online can be more considerate in some ways because people can choose whether they want to engage with her negative talk or whether they will just “ignore” her comments.

I must admit there are “friends” who I have chosen to block because of their constant negativity. And there have been a few I chose to “unfriend.” You always have this choice when it comes to social media sites.

You could try to engage her in some constructive conversations either in person or as a direct response to her online comments. However, if there are several others who are feeding in to the negative conversations, this probably won’t get you anywhere.

If you have a group of friends who can respond in positive ways, this could help change her online presence. It could be helpful to call a special girl’s night so she can vent to everyone in person and get it out of her system. Her behavior may be a way of crying out for more personal interaction.

There are some very helpful guides to online etiquette and you can find a great article on http://www.reputation.com/reputationwatch/articles/guide-online-etiquette. Perhaps you can share this with her — parts of it might sink in.

It may seem “safe” to air grievances to friends and family online, but these days anyone can access the information we share. Depending on what she chooses to share, it could impact her job, future prospects, other community involvement, etc. If you can find a way to help her before something really dreadful happens, you will have done her a great service.

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.