The Nice Advice, By Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

Facebook is awesome and with it I am able to stay connected with friends and family, near and far. I’m getting a little older, in my 30s, and many of my friends are settling down, getting married and building families of their own. It’s so fun to see and I am very proud of them.

I’m single. And it’s the darnedest thing. My engaged guy friends (some of which are exes, some not) never fail to message me privately. They flirt and want to hook up. I don’t know if these guys are freaking out because of their upcoming nuptials, if they’re looking for attention outside of their relationship, are plain slimy or all of the above.

It’s confusing. These are guys who I have cared about and cared for. It hurts to see them behave this way when they have a relationship and act like sleazeballs. That’s not the guy I cared for and remember.

It also hurts that they choose me for this behavior. Did what we had really mean so little to them? Was it that… shallow… that a hookup is the best way to honor our connection? What on earth makes them think I am the kind of girl that would be interested in that?

Frankly, I find it downright, all-around disrespectful and have flat out told them so. I don’t know. I am hoping you might have some perspective to offer, to help me understand why people behave like this.

Signed, Sick

 

Dear Sick,

Technology is a blessing and a curse, isn’t it? Sure, they like the attention. But ultimately, they’re trying to prove to themselves that they’ve still “got it.” That they can still interest a lovely single woman like yourself. Is what they are doing wrong? Oh yes. On many levels.

Cheating these days is so much different than it used to be. It’s not just limited to sexual relations. There’s emotional cheating. And flirting online for the thrill. No matter what, people who engage in this behavior are denying attention to their spouse by giving it away to another.

For the record, I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of. In addition to messaging you, they could be messaging any number of women. And probably are. The fact that you have called them out on their behavior and asked them to stop says a lot about you and your values.

If I were sending messages like that and was shut down, I would think twice about what I was doing. But that’s just me. At the very least, I would be completely humiliated. So good for you! I’m so glad to see you’ve stood up for yourself.

Don’t let these weak moments take away from the memories you have of your experiences in these relationships. Those experiences have shaped who you are today, and why. And probably explain why you’re single. You are way too good for that nonsense! Take care!

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.