The Nice Advice, By Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

Recently, my husband started a new job. He has worked in sales most of his career, and this new company is a huge step up for him. The children and I are very proud of him. However, this new position requires a lot of travel, and I feel like we never see him anymore. Our relationship is struggling because of it.

He has missed recitals and birthdays. Our son even took his first steps without Dad around. I know missing these things breaks my husband’s heart. Our children are young and cry out for him at night.

Juggling my own career with the needs of the kids and house — well, it’s too much to do alone at times.

My husband hates to see me so exhausted and stressed when he comes home from yet another business trip. He doesn’t really understand the strain I face when he’s gone. When he comes home, he wants to stay in and spend time with me and our children. I just want to run away! How do we find balance in all of this?

Signed, Overwhelmed and Abandoned

 

Dear Overwhelmed,

It’s tough to go from a two-parent team to a one-parent team. Where once you could divide the work load, now you need to take it all on by yourself. But do you really?

My first thought is to find someone to help you and the kids in your husband’s absence. Perhaps a friend or grandparent can help lighten your load a bit. Ask for help. If you need someone to sit with the kids while you grocery shop, or someone to take them out of the house for a bit so you can clean, a grandparent is a great choice! They love their grandbabies, and the intergenerational relationship is so beneficial for children.

I’m sorry you feel abandoned. Try not to think of your husband’s absence that way. I’m sure in his mind, he is working hard to provide for his family. Men are far less emotional creatures than we are. Have you told him how you feel? Be sure you tell him how you feel. Don’t button it up inside because you don’t want to make him feel bad.

Once you have the conversation with him, you can start focusing on solutions. In this age of technology, we are able to remain connected like never before. Try Facetime or Skype. Using programs such as these, Dad can read the children bedtime stories, sing songs, even sit at the dinner table with you.

All is not lost. Work through the challenges as they come, and you will be a stronger family unit because of it. Take care!

Leah

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.