I clutched my “Berkshire Hathaway for Dummies” book.

I carried it to Berkshire Hathaway’s annual meeting in Omaha. It’s been described as the Woodstock of capitalism. I tried years ago to go to the real Woodstock, but ended up in Woolstock, Iowa, instead. It was nice, but it lacked the great bands. A friend went to hear Warren Buffett speak once, but ended up wasted away in Margaritaville. He went to a Jimmy Buffett concert instead. It behooves us to keep our Buffetts straight in our minds.

I went to the meeting on a hardship scholarship because when my ship came in, it was a hardship.

I’m not envious of rich folks. Our chips fall where they may. Especially those barbecue potato chips. Those nasty things are slippery.

It was hard to tell me from the people who belonged there, but why would such a classy outfit as Berkshire Hathaway have a shareholder like me? Small investor is a kind and accurate description of me. I started investing by selling a few aluminum cans plucked from a ditch — the week before the meeting.

The Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting was like everything else — different. In 2015, 44,000 shareholders attended, up from 12 in 1981. This year, people lined up in the rain at 4 a.m. to get a shot at a good seat five hours later.

I passed through a metal detector and interacted with vendors hawking their wares. I bought a Dilly Bar for $1. It was a wise investment.

About 3,000 people from China were there, as were Mr. Peanut, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile and the GEICO gecko. There was a house made from 3,878 boxes of See’s Candies fudge, representing the 3,878 pounds of fudge that Warren Buffett has consumed in his lifetime.

Berkshire Hathaway owns Benjamin Moore Paints, BNSF Railway, Dairy Queen, Duracell, Fruit of the Loom, GEICO, Helzberg Diamonds, Omaha World-Herald, The Pampered Chef, See’s Candies and others.

Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger, chairman and vice-chairman, drank Coca-Cola products and ate See’s peanut brittle while answering shareholder questions. They claimed to be unable to predict the price of oil, soybeans, corn or anything else. They knew what they didn’t know. Munger is 92 and Buffett 85. Buffett said that Munger was the ladies’ man of the two because every mother tells her daughter that when choosing between old rich guys, always pick the oldest.

Munger said he still had a lot of ignorance to work out. When asked about the damaging effects of drinking sweetened soft drinks like Coke, Munger said that it’s stupid to measure the detriment without considering the advantage. Buffett estimated that 25 percent of his caloric intake came from drinking Coca-Cola, and he enjoyed every calorie. Drinking a Coke makes him happy. Happy people live longer. There are 10,000 men and 45,000 women in this country who are over 100 years old. Buffett reasoned that if he wanted to live longer, he wouldn’t give up drinking Coke. He’d have a sex-change operation.

Buffett discovered early in life that his favorite employer was himself, and he tries to follow Dale Carnegie’s advice, “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.” Buffett eats what he likes and does what he loves. He wouldn’t change a thing.

Buffett’s great grandson was in attendance. He said that if the boy cried, it was because his mother had just explained Buffett’s views on inherited wealth to him. Buffett’s philosophy is that a rich person should leave his kids enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.

Buffett and Munger told stories and shared pearls of wisdom. Both stressed doing the right thing.

Munger advised that if we disagree with a man, we should be able to state his case better than he could. Hang around good people, behave better this year than last year and take the high road — it’s uncrowded. He added that a world seen accurately is bound to be humorous because it’s ridiculous and that a full wallet is like a full bladder. There is a strong urge to pee it away.

Buffett believes that forecasting economic trends is nearly impossible and that any company employing an economist has one employee too many. Munger and Buffett counseled avoiding destructive behavior and doing stupid things. We should swing only at strikes when investing. Buying $1 bills for less than $1 is the sure way to make money.

Buffett’s rules of investing are simple. Rule No. 1: Never lose money. Rule No. 2: Never forget Rule No. 1.

My investment strategy is even simpler. I pick up every penny I see.

 

Al Batt’s columns appear in the Tribune every Wednesday and Sunday.