Al Batt’s columns appear every Wednesday and Sunday.

I could hear them walking my way. A flock of flip-flops.

Flip-flops are one of the major causes of hearing loss.

I was in the Wisconsin Dells in June. That area is on the flip-flops migration route.

I’m not speaking of a sudden reversal of policy or strategy. You look like a smart person, so you probably know what flip-flops are, but in the rare chance you don’t, flip-flops are a type of open-toed footwear, typically worn at weddings and job interviews. Flip-flops have flat soles held loosely on the feet by Y-shaped straps that pass between the first and second toes and around both sides of the feet. The name “flip-flop” originated from the sound made by the slapping of the sole on both foot and floor when a wearer is walking. It’s an onomatopoeia of the noises made by flip-flops when someone tramps along in them. Flip-flops are a way for a price-conscious individual to rebel against society and its wicked shoes.

I’ve worn flip-flops, but I prefer sandals that are more closely related to actual shoes. Both are easily repaired with duct tape. I’m the opposite of a shoe snob, and I can prove that. I wear Crocs.

Flip-flops probably originated with the ancient Egyptians in 1500 B.C. The modern flip-flops likely descended from the Japanese zori, popularized after World War II when U.S. soldiers brought them home.

Flip-flops are a sound of summer, just as a screen door slamming shut or the songs of an ice cream truck once were.

Seasons can be a treacherous bridge. Weather is a Procrustean bed, a standard that is enforced uniformly without regard to individuality. A Procrustean bed is a plan or scheme to produce uniformity or conformity by arbitrary or violent methods. It’s named after Procrustes, the bandit from Greek mythology, who stretched or amputated the limbs of travelers to make them conform to the length of his bed. I’m not sure if he kept a light on for them.

We are on a swirling carousel of seasonal changes every day. On the heels of too cold, comes the too hot. Some locals leave the cold to winter in Texas or Arizona, but we all suffer through the heat. We can’t put up a wall big enough to keep the heat out. Heat can lead to short tempers and sweat. Gazillions of gallons of sweat. Sunburns so bad, people can’t scratch the mosquito bites or poison ivy rashes.

Some years we have difficulty hitting temperatures in the 90s. Other years, it’s not a problem. Then it’s so hot that people wear clothes only because they need pockets.

It’s not the heat that gets me. The humidity is the wind on top of my wings.

How do you handle the heat and humidity? Do you take personal responsibility? Whine and complain? Shrug it off? Befriend an air conditioner? Sit on a lawn sprinkler? Frolic in the rain? Step into an aquarium? Swing a five-gallon pail until it’s filled with mosquitoes. Before air conditioning became a part of my personal life, I liked to visit the frozen food section of the local grocery store. I’d stand and stare as if I were taking inventory. On a scorching hot day, squirt guns became weapons of compassion.

I worked in Yuma, Arizona, and the temperatures misbehaved. Steering wheels in parked cars became blistering hot. I parked in any bit of shade I could find, trying to position the steering wheel in the middle of it.

On boiling hot afternoons here, drivers keep an eye out for shade. We covet shade. We park in the shade. In my neighborhood, we even drive in the shade.

We may attempt to enjoy summer heat by gardening. That brings other problems. We worry about the aphids on the spinach. We raise spinach because Popeye told us, “I’m strong to the finish, ‘cause I eats me spinach, I’m Popeye the sailor man!” He was also a big proponent of yams and often said, “I yam what I yam and that’s all what I yam.” Popeye used raised bed gardens proclaiming, “That’s all I can stands, cuz I can’t stands no more!” Popeye was a gardening guru.

You can’t buy weather, that’s why we shop for flip-flops.

Remember the weather rules. Rule No. 1 is that the weather is always nice. Rule No. 2 is that if the weather isn’t nice, see Rule No. 1.

My advice is to let a smile be your umbrella unless your gums sunburn easily.