Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.

“I don’t know what to do when I don’t know what to do,” I told my wife while reflecting upon the recent deaths of Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Lorne Ahrens, Michael Krol, Michael Smith, Brent Thompson, and Patrick Zamarripa. Division seems rampant in virtually all of the conversations I’m encountering, and I’m not always sure how to respond other than with grief. Part of me embraces this reaction, but part of me acknowledges that change doesn’t come merely through grieving. Sorrow has its time and place, but so does action.

What does someone do when they don’t know what action is next called for? I know there are certain things I want done, but don’t know how to get them. I’ve reflected a lot upon this over the recent days, and I came to the conclusion that if I didn’t know yet what I can do, perhaps I can at least figure out what I shouldn’t be doing.

First, I concluded that I shouldn’t be denying other people’s experiences as truth. Just because I haven’t experienced something doesn’t mean that someone else hasn’t. I’m a white man who has never been pulled over by the police while driving. I know others, people who do not look like me, who have, no doubt in my mind, experienced racial profiling. It is not my place to say that doesn’t happen. As others have recalled similar experiences across the nation, it is not my place to deny that a problem exists. Ignoring a problem doesn’t create a solution. It creates tension — tension that can lead to protests, riots, and violence. Nobody wants to play those cards, but in moments of desperation, I can see how those might be the only cards someone is felt like they’ve been dealt amidst oppression. Certainly they would rather just not be oppressed. Wouldn’t we all rather have no one be oppressed?

Whether you believe the Black Lives Matter movement has any credence no longer matters, if it ever did. Too many people, of all races, recognize that a system of inequity is in place causing black lives to be treated as something that is lesser than others. The only long term solution is to do something that rectifies this injustice. You may, ignorantly, believe it is a perceived injustice rather than an actual injustice, but that does not create solutions. It creates more unrest, more tension, more protests, and more innocent lives lost — both black and white.

Second, I concluded that it is not my place to criticize all police officers, holistically. Solutions come by bringing people together, and no one wants to come to a table to which they aren’t invited. I do not expect our nation to succeed without law enforcement, therefore they are integral to creating change. It is clear to me that individual police officers have made mistakes, but there are law enforcement officers actively working to improve training on a systems-wide level to better handle and respond to their calls. I think it’s important to support this work and those who are doing it. White police officers and black police officers work together to prevent crime in our communities side by side, day in and day out. I want to encourage their good work while advocating for their improvement. I also think they want to improve.

Perhaps what I’ve concluded is that we need to listen. Important lives have been lost throughout the nation. Tears have been shed. Attacks have been made, and more hate has been spread. Listen to what the protestors are saying instead of dismissing them as being irrational. Listen to what law enforcement is saying as they share their plans to further train on de-escalation and racial bias.

This week, Malala Yousafzai turned 19 and Malala Day was celebrated across the world. You’ve likely heard her story. Malala is a Pakistani girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban for advocating the importance of education. She’s received numerous awards for her human rights advocacy and is the youngest ever to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. She is quoted as saying, “If you hit a Talib with your shoe, then there would be no difference between you and the Talib. You must not treat others with cruelty and that much harshly, you must fight others, but through peace and through dialogue and through education.’

It is through listening and empathizing that we can educate ourselves during these challenging times. Whenever you don’t know what to do, listen.