Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.

“I’m not sure I’ll want him to help me,” I told my wife after she came back to our hotel room frustrated. Our first family vacation was off to a rough start, and no matter how I came back to our hotel room after visiting the front desk, it wasn’t going to be good.

About a half hour prior, Sera, our daughter Gracelyn, our dog Beesly and I pulled into the hotel parking lot after a few hours of driving. We arrived a little exhausted, but optimistically looking forward to this time away together. I sat in the car entertaining Gracelyn and Beesly while Sera went to the front desk to check in. Several minutes passed, and she returned with a room key and a story of the very particular older man ahead of her in line who was inquiring about every available room individually.

Keying into our room revealed some sort of mistake. Our king-sized bed had somehow divided into two queens. I’d normally let this kind of mistake slide and just settle for whatever they gave me, but Sera doesn’t often possess the pushover nature I sometimes portray. Perhaps it’s the Minnesotan in me that doesn’t want to ruffle feathers. Perhaps it’s the African in her that knows the importance of an agreement between two parties. Either way, she promptly headed to the hotel’s front desk to rectify their mistake.

She returned to me with the same room key and uttered, frustratingly, “You need to go down there. Maybe if they hear it from a white man, they’ll give us the room we paid for.”

The desk attendant had claimed that all of their rooms with king-size beds that were pet-friendly were full, despite our confirmation that we in fact booked one weeks ago. Perhaps in an effort of kindness, Sera inquired if maybe the next night the room we had reserved would be available. Oddly, according to the hotel employee, that was a request his system was not able to look up. Baloney.

I promptly went down to the front desk while Sera watched Gracelyn and Beesly in our current room, fearful that the front desk attendant would prove himself racist or sexist by helping me instead of my wife, as well as having to settle with a room we didn’t want because he truthfully couldn’t do anything, as he stated to my wife.

My request for a new room that matched our reservation was given immediately — without hassle. It was as if the encounter with Sera never happened with the same man. I couldn’t believe it. Before I knew it, we were relocating to a room two floors above ours and wondering how in the world my encounter with the hotel staff differed from Sera’s.

Literally the only difference between our conversation was our gender and skin color. It was incredibly disheartening. How often does this kind of thing happen? How frequently do people, like myself, not even realize the privilege and power we have just because we exist? How many times has my wife been denied something that she deserved due to her appearance?

This passive discrimination is what often lingers in our society when we know it isn’t acceptable to be hateful toward any group of people, but we still make it harder for others to succeed and have the same opportunities. The man behind the hotel counter was not using racial slurs or sexist language, but his actions still demonstrate that he gives preference to a certain group. He likely doesn’t even realize he’s done it, and that’s part of the reason why people claim racism and sexism aren’t issues we need to worry about anymore.

Our experience is just one of many subtle actions that are happening every day. Did a hotel room gaff prevent us from enjoying our vacation? No. It did, however, open my eyes as to how I might unintentionally be racist or sexist. It’s important for all of us to examine how we treat others who are different than us. I don’t want my wife and daughter to live in a world where they can’t get the hotel room they paid for unless I’m there to stand up for them. I don’t want anyone to live there, and I hope you don’t either.