The Nice Advice, By Leah Albert

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.

Dear Leah,

I have a daughter who is 25 months old and I just had a healthy baby boy a week ago. For the past 9 months, my mother-in-law has been saying things that have hurt my feelings. She keeps saying things like “how are you going to manage two kids?” or “I hope this baby won’t ruin Julie’s security” and a lot of other things that make me feel I’m a horrible mother.

My daughter is well adjusted and has not had any issue with her new brother. She wants to help by getting me things like diapers and we make sure we spend quality time with her just as we did before baby brother arrived. These comments have me crying and are really annoying. What can I do to end this without starting a big battle?

Signed, New Mom of Two
Dear New Mom of Two,

Congratulations on the birth of your second child! There are two things you can try.

One is for you to talk to your husband about what his mother has been saying to you and how it is adding to your stress. Ask him to tell his mother that her comments are hurtful to you, even though she may not intend them to be.

Another would be for you to talk to your mother-in-law in a direct and calm way about why her comments are causing you stress at a time when you’re already dealing with a difficult situation, as you adjust to a new baby and ease your daughter’s transition from being an only child to being an older sibling.

Your mother-in-law may not realize how uncomfortable her comments and questions are making you feel, and if that’s the case, she’ll quickly change her ways.

If she can’t do that, let her know that you will be forced to avoid her, which would mean that she won’t get to see her grandchildren as much as she’d like. Take care!

Leah