Al Batt’s columns appear every Wednesday and Sunday.

“My wooden leg is warped.”

That’s how a fellow I knew long ago declared that we’d had too much rain.

Wet enough for you? Rain and floods have been the most common of conversations between us, the soggy and the moldy. Perfect weather is reserved for platinum members. The rest of us let a smile be our umbrella. When you are given rain, you make rainade.

I’d made my teatime. No, not tee time. I’m not a golfer. I don’t know a five iron from a flyswatter. I’m a tea drinker. I eschewed an outdoor table for one inside the caffeine shop. Eating outside in the rain is no picnic. I ordered a cup and a blueberry scone. I drank an English breakfast tea as I watched the rain fall. I’d kept my umbrella dry at home, so I’d gotten wet, but I hadn’t melted.

It rained and rained. If practice makes perfect, this rain must have had the goal of getting to Carnegie Hall. I realize that daylight saving time wasn’t started because of rain, but I’m glad that we hadn’t reverted back to standard time yet. If we’d have fallen back, we’d have gotten another hour of rain.

The heavy rains were a country song that wrote itself. It rained so much that the lawn gnomes that couldn’t swim had run away. Despite the book and movie of that title, there is no perfect storm. People see the world as either half-full or half-empty. We were full of water, but I didn’t see anyone building an ark. 

I know rain when I see it. I’ve seen it rain cats and dogs, pitchforks, darning needles, hammer handles and buckets. I’ve spent time in Ketchikan, Alaska, where 140 to 150 inches of rain falls annually.

With storm clouds approaching at Woodstock, the famous music festival in 1969, the crowd was urged to concentrate and put an end to the rain.

A chant went up. “No rain, no rain, no rain.”

It didn’t stop the deluge and in three hours, 5 inches of rain fell and the festival became a mudfest. Joan Baez sang “We shall overcome” during the thunderstorm.

I’ve heard people say, “When it rains, it pours.”

That is the advertising slogan of the Morton Salt company. It and a girl with an umbrella began appearing on every Morton Salt package in 1914. It assured customers that the table salt would be free-flowing even in damp weather.

It doesn’t rain to please everyone or anyone. Around 14 inches fell in Waseca. You’d think that wouldn’t please anyone, but I watched gulls happily feeding upon earthworms forced out of the grassy ground where they were once safely ensconced before that area had become a lake.

Many of the roads that I wanted to travel were closed due to water. It was reminiscent to trying to navigate roads shortly after a nasty blizzard had hit.

Roger Miller, a popular country singer best known for the hits “King of the Road” and “Dang Me,” hosted a late-night TV special on ABC in 1972 titled, “Roger Miller with His Friends and His Music.” Miller said this on that show, “Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.”

This has since been credited to the Bobs — Dylan and Marley. I’m surprised when a quote isn’t attributed to Abe Lincoln, Albert Einstein or Yogi Berra.

While guys like Roger Miller articulate philosophically, the rest of us make whimpering sounds like a raccoon with a leg cramp. We have wet feet and feel as if we are at the bottom of the barrel. Woe is us. We complain. Humans developed a language because of our need to complain.

My mother chased us from the house even if it were raining. She thought that kids loitering indoors would be the ruination of the world. She advised us to not wear our good shoes and socks in the rain and if it began to thunder and lightning, we should move about in a serpentine fashion.

Once, we were running in the rain when my cousin ran into the tire swing. The elderly Goodyear walloped him a good one, knocking him flat. If you’re going to walk in the rain, watch where you are walking.

Dolly Parton said, and I’m sure that she said it sweetly, “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”

I said this about that rain, “TGIF. Thank goodness it’s finished.”

We shall overcome.