The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

I’m living in a dorm situation for the first time in my life. This has exacerbated a problem that I’ve had for my whole life. I’m not sure if I’m antisocial or asocial or what, but I have a hard time making friends.

I came to college together with a group of friends from my high school. I like all of them, but I’ve always felt like I am on the periphery. In high school, it was OK, because I had one close friend outside of the group; but she went to a different college on the other side of the country.

I just feel like I have no real friends. No one ever objects to my joining in their plans, but they also never invite me to join without my asking. At home I was happy to be a bit of a loner, but suddenly I’m feeling internal pressure to spend more time being social and outgoing. I’ve only been here for a week, but already I’m having a hard time. Any advice?

Signed Lonely Loner

Dear Lonely

Almost every first-year student has some social anxiety, and you are not alone wondering where you will fit in. Also, it is very human to feel some homesickness and to miss the comfort and routine of home.

If you can bear the discomfort and take your time to know what you want and who you like, you will probably find that by the end of the first semester you will have established some nice beginning friendships. College can be a time to explore new interests and make new connections. If you are interested in dance, photography, or sports (for example), see if there are any clubs where you could meet students with mutual interests.

Think about how you adjusted to middle school or high school and consider whether you can adapt a strategy you used then. It takes time to feel comfortable, so try to be patient. However, if you find yourself getting depressed and feeling very isolated or anxious, go to the counseling center and connect with someone there. Take care.

Leah

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.