Tales From Exit 22 by Al Batt

I taught a class on daily planning.

I think it was called, “The Daily Planning Class.” I thought up the name myself. It was a time management class meant to help people get more accomplished. Each student was given a daily planner at the beginning of the class and a hearty handshake at the end. There were no certificates of participation given.

The daily planner broke a day into 15-minute increments. A student was supposed to fill in every space with what he or she was doing during that time. Sleep filled a third of the daily slots and filling out that daily planner filled another third.

One of the best things about the daily planner was that it taught people to make a list of things to do.

One woman wrote, “Find out why my thumbnail grows faster than my other fingernails.”

Her list had some polish.

She also posed one of those things that make me go, “Hmmm.”

I’ve been watching my nails since that day. I can’t say if the thumb produces faster nails or not, but I do know that my fingernails grow faster than my toenails.

Each night, it’s my habit to make a list of things to do the next day. It keeps me from feeling as if I’d been in a long fight with a short stick. Not having a list would make me feel as if I’d lost my mood ring. I wouldn’t know how I felt. I try to accomplish the most difficult tasks first before rewarding myself with the easy and pleasurable exercises. There is a certain satisfaction and a tactile pleasantness derived from crossing things off a list as they are accomplished. In the days before cellphones, when there was still something called life, albeit primitive, I was given the great task of grocery shopping. I received the basic instructions from my bride. Take money, go to store and buy stuff. It seemed to be a project that I could handle. My wife prepared a list handwritten on the back of an envelope that once held our telephone bill. That telephone was a landline. It might have had a rotary dial. For more information on this ancient telephone, please consult your local historical museum. My wife cautioned me to adhere to the list. I protested. “Would the man you married fail at such a modest task? I think not.”

I lost the list before I’d located a shopping cart with four working wheels.

I was resourceful. What would you do in such a predicament? I followed a guy about my age as he pushed a cart around the grocery store. What he put into his cart, I put into mine. It was a brilliant plan, but like many of my brilliant plans, it didn’t work. He’d purchased only three items that had been on my wife’s list.

I’ve always rolled that way. As a small child, I’d learned that it was easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

When I arrived home, I gave my wife a good listening to.

My wife forgave me. She knew that the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.

Today’s shopping lists are often kept on a cellphone. If you lose that list, you’re in trouble.

A list of things to do is, of course, tailored to the individual. Some delusional, yet gung-ho, guys put things like “Remodel the garage before lunch.” Those gentlemen are to be pitied. They set themselves up for failure.

Some retired fellows make lists of things that they aren’t going to do today.

Some fellows like me might include quotes to inspire them. This one by Tahereh Mafi is a good one to share with that significant other. “I want you to make a list of all of your favorite things and I want to be on it.”

Life is an obstacle course. Lists help you navigate it. If you write them by hand, which is the best way, make sure your handwriting is legible or your memory exceptional.

The famed cartoon character, the Pink Panther, kept a to do list. It went like this: To do. To do. To do, to do, to do. To do, to dooooooo.

My list today is a short, but numerous one. It fills every 15-minute increment.

I’m pleased to know you and I want to wish each of you a Merry Christmas.

Al Batt’s columns appear every Wednesday and Sunday.