Live United by Ann Austin

Thanksgiving has come to a close, but there is still so much to be thankful for.

Many of us have warm places to sleep at night, food on the table and safe spaces to dwell during our waking hours. But not everyone feels safe.

If you pay attention to the media — and I’m guessing you do if you are reading this right now — there are many concerning situations that are being brought to light. Abuse and inappropriate behavior seem to be on the rise. But these conditions have existed for a long time.

In my world, and in the world of the many programs and organizations we work with, what you are seeing now isn’t a surprise. A wise woman once told me “Hurt people hurt people.” There are a lot of hurt people in our world.

In some cases, people who have been hurt have a strong network of support and are able to overcome the internal struggles and emotional pain to find success and be an advocate for others. But, in other cases, the hurt festers inside and is carried out through interactions with others. Many behaviors exist in cycles that are hard to change. If you want to read more about these dynamics, look into the concept of ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences Study). Research shows that trauma and hurt can be passed down from generation to generation. We need to be intentional about ending these cycles.

Regardless of whether the claims of abuse are all true, it is important for us to be reminded of how our carelessness toward others can impact them — and to be mindful every day that we can choose to be kind and considerate and treat people as they would like to be treated.

Treating people as they would like to be treated is an updated version of the Golden Rule (treating people how you wish to be treated). This new version takes into account the fact that we are all different and encourages us to be more emotionally intelligent.

Emotional intelligence is defined as: The capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).

It sounds exhausting to be so aware, but it is vitally important in our world today. We are more connected than ever before — to people who are from different backgrounds and experiences. For us to be able to authentically connect and solve the problems we face today, we must be more aware of how our words and deeds affect others.

It is up to each of us to create a community that is safe and welcoming for all. By our actions, we can influence the actions of others. We can influence the actions of the people we choose to put in positions of power, who make decisions that impact our communities. We choose to perpetuate cycles of negativity by feeding in to the systems that focus on the negative and giving voice to the people who focus on the negative — we can choose instead to focus on creating avenues of kindness and appreciation.

We are stronger together. And when we focus on creating a community of civility and appreciation, we are more capable of solving the problems we face.

Live united.

Ann Austin is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.