Something About Nothing by Julie Seedorf

 

I have always loved magazines. There is something magical about the feel of the glossy paper and the smell of newsprint, at least for me. In recent years I quit most of my magazine subscriptions as a cost-cutting measure because our finances became less lucrative. Alas, it is true, authors do not make as much as computer repair technicians, but it was my choice and so in order to follow my dream I had to cut costs.

I tried reading my magazines on my Kindle as those subscriptions were cheaper, and I could pick and choose monthly from a wide variety of different subjects. Since I also have a monthly subscription to read as many magazines and books as I want from Kindle Unlimited, it became my cost-saving measure. For $10, almost the cost of a magazine these days, I could pick and choose. It may seem perfect, but I missed the actual feel and large pages of a magazine.

I believe in supporting hometown bookstores and libraries, so I still read print books and alternate them with my Kindle reads, but I gave up magazines and newspapers altogether in favor of the digital copy. I didn’t realize how much I missed holding the physical magazine or newspaper in my hand until a friend gave me boxes of old magazines. I was in magazine heaven sorting through them, reading articles and of course trying some of the old recipes.

Most were old magazines, some from as far back as the year 2000. Devouring the articles, I laughed at some of them, especially the parenting ones. Those parenting tips might be frowned upon now because so many of what we felt was right and proper in the year 2000 has changed.

The recipes were the old-fashioned, high-calorie, lots of fat concoctions. I chuckled at the hairstyles, marveled at how appliances have changed and wondered if many of the restaurants and bed and breakfasts advertised in the  Minnesota Magazines in the year 2000 still existed. So many things have changed and it was fun comparing then and now as I read through all these delightful, bright and shiny pages.

Then a friend posted on Facebook that they didn’t like change at all. I pondered those thoughts. I believed I was one who liked and accepted and embraced change in my life and I didn’t understand those who didn’t.

As I  rifled through the old magazines it hit me, I don’t always accept change in my life either. Things change, it is inevitable, and when my life takes a turn because of the change, I realized if it was insignificant things that changed,  like appliances or plans such as dinner dates or paint colors on a house, I didn’t mind. I embraced those changes. But when the change affected my heart, I pretended to accept what I couldn’t control. It is those circumstances which affect our emotions with those we love that are hard to accept and give me anxiety.

Change from divorces with close family and friends is a change I don’t like. It isn’t because I judge it but because the loss of someone I loved that was part of the family is hard to accept. I can’t quit loving someone who has been in my heart for years and the separation makes me miss them and grieve the change. I don’t like changes from the death of people close to me, relatives and friends. I never get used to the change of talking to them in heaven instead of on the phone or face to face.

Change in finances is also hard for many, trying to figure out how to live going forward when they know things will be limited in the future such as it is for many senior citizens. Change in health and navigating the change in health care is also hard. The electronic world makes the ever-evolving changes difficult for people to keep up with the way they reach out for help because of the confusion of systems.

We look at the past and see how far we have evolved. And for those who fear change, the fear of embracing the future is hard because of all the upheavals they have traveled through in their life. I am no different.

I was fooling myself into thinking I liked change. I only like it when it doesn’t affect me negatively.

This year I interviewed my 100-year-old friend Gladys Johanson, and her words of wisdom stick with me. When I asked her why she never worried she said, “I never worried. Tomorrow was another day.”

Hugh Prather said, “Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.” Like Gladys said, tomorrow is another day. She knew life changed and accepted those changes. I, too, know change is inevitable, it might be how I accept it that makes a difference to my future.

Wells resident Julie Seedorf’s column appears every Monday. Send email to her at hermionyvidaliabooks@gmail.com.