EN(dur)ANCE by Robin Gudal

 

This is the third in a five-part series of columns entitled “Epitaph.”

It made me sad to think these individuals had probably lived hard lives, had undoubtedly encountered things I could never dream of, had in their own way made an impact on others’ lives and now, many years later, there was absolutely no evidence of their legacy.

As a Christian woman, what will my legacy be? Will my life just be a divot in the dirt?

What is the purpose of my life? How am I to impact my future generations? Is all that even important? Is it a wrong motive to want to be remembered? What’s the bigger picture here?

So maybe that less than, forgotten, unkept cemetery really was a huge part of their legacy after all.

Years before this experience I had started a yearlong adventure. A few years prior my mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in her mid-50s. Thus, I wanted to learn more about her life. In my mother’s own words, my brain is going to turn to mush, I am going to lose my mind, I won’t know things. So I pondered, what do I want to know before that happens. What answers do I want before they are lost forever?

Mom has never been one to share a lot of her life. One very poignant fact; that her father was a man who had a huge impact on her. We grew up seeing this small-statured, physically weak-hearted, smoking, harmonica-playing man as not perfect but a fabulous father, one looked up to, almost that of a hero by my mother.

As the disease would progress in the years to come, stories would be unfolded, without restraint at times, so we would have more window panes of our strong mother’s life.

Often blessings can and do come from hardship, if you are looking for them. I would never wish illness upon any family; I can honestly say, however, this journey made our family stronger, closer and more appreciative of one another.

As Nancy Reagan once said, “A woman is like a teabag — only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.”

Well we as a family found out how strong we are.

The phrase that best describes my mother is from the songwriter and singer Helen Reddy, “I am woman, here me roar.”

In the book “Lioness Arising,” author Lisa Bevere, who has studied lionesses, also quotes this song — her context being that we as women need to collectively have our voice heard, to make change in a world that needs it so desperately and not to be afraid to stand, even alone if need be, for what is right. My mother lived that as her life mantra.

Robin (Beckman) Gudal, intentional in life, is a wife, momma, nana, friend and a flawed and imperfect follower of Jesus.