Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

 

Every summer my kids get to spend some one-on-one time with my parents. It’s an opportunity for their grandparents to get to know them individually. It’s also a week where they don’t have to share. They get to pick what’s for dinner, if they’ll do playdough or ride bikes, and I’m pretty sure they get to eat more ice cream during that week than they do all summer long. Oh, and I have one less kid at my house, so it’s a win/win.

This past week, my parents have been enjoying the company of my daughter, Emmalynn. She’s the middle child and my oldest daughter. She is one of the most gorgeous kids I’ve ever seen and moments later can make the most ugly face in an attempt to make her siblings laugh.

She is a peacemaker. I’ve seen her give up her place in line and part of her dessert so her younger sister wouldn’t cry. She’s curious and has the best questions. My eldest will ask obscure questions like, “What if dinosaurs came back and they could paint?” Emmalynn, on the other hand, will ask questions that are thoughtful beyond her years.

When she tells me who her friends are in school, they aren’t the most popular kids, or the girls with the coolest clothes. (Yes, even in second grade this is a thing). Her friends are kids with substance. They are actually really nice children — girls and boys who don’t bully or tease. These kids are kind, respectful and sweet. Oh, they like to scream and chase and be silly — they are children of course! But they are the kind of kids I’m happy my child wants to play with.

This past week my mother sent me a video she took of Emmalynn. She’s wearing a helmet and straddling her bike in my old elementary school parking lot. Emma then proceeds to start riding her bike — on her own. No training wheels, no help. As she’s taking a big loop around the blacktop, you can hear her shout “I feel amazing!” Goosebumps cover my arms.

I’m instantly reminded of Sophie. Sophie was my kids’ friend, and she was my friend’s daughter. I’ve known her since she was 3 and watched her. She was 8 years old when she was taken from this world. Moments before we received the phone call, she was riding her bike, one of her favorite new things to do.

Seeing my daughter’s face and hearing her shout those words of joy hit me like a ton of bricks. The loss of Sophie became 100% more real. I now have an 8-year-old daughter who loves to ride her bike. Sophie was now my Emmalynn. Over the last three years, I’ve had flashes where Emma would look at me, or say something, and I’d think, “Man, she reminds me of Sophie.” When she grew in those big chicklet teeth, when she proudly wanted to invite everyone to her baptism.

I’m excited to get my little girl back from my parents on Saturday. Having one less child in my house feels eerie now — it has a different connotation. The hug I’m going to give her will be a little longer and a little sweeter. I might spend all weekend holding her, if she’ll let me.

Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean, I’ll miss you, till we meet again. Until we meet again, Sophie.

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams.