My father would have felt shame, guilt, fear and anger if he had been abused when he was making the nursing home his home. The dementia may have caused some of his feelings but being the person he was is more likely the reason.

The residents involved in these alleged and unacceptable acts are someone’s father, mother, uncle, aunt, neighbor and friend. They are more than residents with dementia. It may be easier to commit abuse against a person who is seen as a dementia resident than as a father.

The question needs to be asked on behalf of these fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles; how do we as a society, as a community, as a facility and even ourselves, see past the diagnosis for who they are? Does the culture in the facility show staff how to see the person first and the diagnosis second? Maybe this would help see abuse that may be occurring.

I know my father would want you to know him and who he was. If you knew him, you would see him and how much unconditional love he had to give to everyone. If you are a staff who is misguided into doing abusive acts, maybe it would be harder to get past the unconditional love.

The regulations require that facilities meet the individual needs of a resident, but it is the culture of a facility that sees that person’s individual need. It may not guarantee staff are not abusive, but it may help the facility identify those who are.

Jean Patzner Mueller

Houston, Minn.